iKiss, iMiss
by Power of the Pen12
Summary: “Hey, why don’t we get started on the next iCarly?” Carly asked excitedly. What was I supposed to say? No, I never want to do iCarly again because I’m in love with the tech producer, your boyfriend?" Seddie relationship after iKiss. FINISHED!
1. My side of things

I climbed slowly up the stairs, dreading my destination. Why did doing the right thing always feel so wrong?

Okay, so I felt terrible about telling the entire world Freddie's never kissed a girl. But at the time, it felt like he totally deserved it, ya know? Handcuffing me to Gibby was the biggest mistake of that dork's life.

But after he stayed home from school for a week… I heard this annoying little voice in the back of my head. I thought my midnight snacks were finally catching up with me-- you'd be amazed what three pounds of ham can do to a girl-- but Carly called it my conscience. The voice kept telling me how terrible I was for ruining Fredward's life. I told the voice to shut up, but after a while, I just couldn't ignore it anymore. I hadn't felt that rotten since my dad left.

I've ruined my own life by telling the world I've never kissed anyone either. Jonah will never let it go- he's the one person in the school I just can't scare. I'll be taking crap from him until I'm as old and bitter as Freddie's mom. Of course everyone else will be laughing their stupid heads off too- just not to my face. The first person to even crack a smile tomorrow in my direction will become intimately familiar with the bottom of a dump truck.

So now I'm clutching a bowl of slightly stale meatballs, climbing the concrete steps one by one. I wish more than anything that Freddie won't be in the fire escape- that he'd be over his little panic attack and just went home like a good little nerd. His mom will have tucked him in and promised him that he'd meet a good girl when he's ready, a sweet little thing who wears pigtails and skirts and eats like a bird. Basically, my opposite.

I hear music floating down the hallway, and soon, Freddie comes into sight. He's sitting in a folding chair, just staring out into the night. His eyes concentrate on the hazy stars; I wonder what he's thinking about; probably something about Carly, or kissing, or the two put together.

For some reason, that thought makes me want to punch something, but Gibby's not cuffed to me anymore, so I keep it together.

I wrapped my arm cautiously around the glass sliding door, rapping on the smooth surface with my knuckles. Freddie turned, eying me warily. But he didn't look afraid.

I smiled halfheartedly, unsure of what to do. What happened to all the tragic speeches I thought up while I was climbing the stairs? All of my plans fled my mind as soon as his eyes met mine.

Freddie returned my half-smile, and motioned for me to come closer. Taking a deep breath, I swung my legs over the windowsill.

"What's up?" I asked tentatively, mentally groaning. 'What's up'? Whadda ya think is up, Sam? You just ruined this boy's life by announcing his nerdiest secret to the wide world of iCarly viewers!

But Freddie, who for some reason keeps his head, replied, "Nothin'." His calm attitude is maddening; with a pang, I realize just how much he's changed in the past few months.

His infatuation with Carly is barely more than a slight crush; maybe he's gotten over that, too. Though he seems frightened of me, it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. Bad for him, I mean; I love freaking Freddie out. It's my calling. Birds have to fly, fish have to swim, and Sam Puckett just has to make Freddie Benson miserable.

He stood, stepping quietly toward the exit. I panic; what if he gave me the cold shoulder for the rest of my life?

I glanced desperately around, spying the big bowl of meatballs I took from the iCarly set. I thrust my had inside, grabbing the nearest ball of meat.

"Meatball?" I suggested, holding out a slightly shaking hand to him. My eyes looked bored, I hope; I don't want him thinking I want him around.

He looked at me funny, like I've got horns growing out of my hair. His hand still rested on his PearPod… Oh. He was just turning off the music. CRAP.

"No thanks?" he said, and his confusion almost makes the words a question. I shrugged, not sure what to do with the meatball in my hand. Usually I would pop it in my mouth just to gross Freddie out, but I toss it over the side of the fire escape. Hopefully some hobo will get a little extra dinner tonight. Poor dudes; do you know hobos can't afford cable?

After a slightly mystified moment, Freddie's lips twisted into a reluctant smile. I wait for him to speak, not fully understanding the kind look in his eyes.

"That was really brave. What you said," Freddie commented. I think my surprise showed on my face; he had seen iCarly? Oh, crap! Though it was good news that I didn't have to explain everything to him- really good news- it was still embarrassing that he had seen the show. I mean, I had said all that stuff about being so, sooo sorry for embarrassing Freddie… I had planned to eliminate that part when I explain it all to him.

"You heard?" I stuttered. He smiled, turning to grab his laptop. Freddie grinned at my bewildered expression.

"You didn't think I'd miss iCarly?" he asked, shaking the laptop slightly. He sat next to me on the windowsill, and I marveled at how calm he seemed around me. Freddie hadn't come this close to me in years… usually he'd be too worried I'd attack him or something. Which I probably would've, but tonight I had a job to do.

I took a deep breath, balling my fingers into a fist, and got the worst part over quick. "I'm sorry," I said loudly, making sure he heard. "About telling everyone you've never kissed anyone."

He looked pleased, but I didn't feel better. The stupid voice was shouting at me, and I figured the only way to get it to shut up was to keep going. I winced mentally; this was going to be painful.

I rolled my eyes, and added, "And about putting blue cheese dressing in your shampoo bottle."

Freddie's grin became more pronounced; for some reason, Freddie smiling made me feel a lot better. So I continued.

"And about sending your cell phone to Cambodia," I said thoughtfully, reminiscing while I apologized. There were so many things I needed to get off my back… It would take a month to fully apologize for everything I've done to Fredward.

"Everything," I finished. Freddie looked hopeful.

"So this means you're not going to mess with me anymore?" he asked, and I saw the ghost of the naïve little kid I used to terrorize every day. When had he changed? When had his voice become so deep? When had his skin darkened like that? When had he stopped gaping at me in horror and started talking to me like a normal person, like I wasn't the stupid school bully from a broken family with awful grades and a talent with sarcasm?

I was lost in my own bewilderment for a moment, but then I remember Freddie's question. A dumb one, at that.

"No, I'm still gonna mess with you," I promised, "I'm just gonna apologize every few years so I can start fresh again."

"Good," he said unexpectedly; all the fun of messing with him left me.

"Good?" I repeated, staring at him.

"Yeah! It'd be too weird if you didn't make my life miserable all the time," he explained, his expression… different. Like he was in control of the conversation. Holy fat cakes, we were having a normal conversation! Freddie and me!

His expression became childish again, and he stuttered, "But maybe you could pull back just a little bit--,"

"Yeah, I don't think so," I said quickly, glad to be back in control.

"Yeah, I didn't either," he mumbled at once, and his face fell so comically I can hardly keep from laughing in his face. But I didn't.

I exhaled rolling my eyes. "It's so dumb," I sighed, mostly to myself.

"Whadda ya mean?" Freddie asked, his expression so full of concern it throws me off track.

"Y'know, how people get all freaked out over their first kiss," I explained. His eyes fall.

"Stupid," I muttered, finishing my thought.

"So you weren't lying? You've really never kissed anyone?" Freddie asked, his eyes burning into mine. I couldn't lie. It just wasn't possible. What was wrong with me?

"Nope," I said, my voice cracking slightly. I could almost see the wheels turning inside Freddie's geeky brain. What the heck was he thinking?

"Sometimes I wish I could just get it out of the way," I stuttered, amazed by how easily we were conversing. It was like talking to Carly, but different. Almost… better.

No, not better. Nothing was better than talking with Carls, maybe sitting in her bean bag chairs, playing with our laptops. But Freddie understood more; he wasn't too thrilled with his life either, it seemed, not with his psycho mom and no dad. We weren't that different.

Um, yeah, we were! A part of me shouted. He's a dork, you're a… what are you, anyway?

"I know, me too," Freddie whispered. My mind jolted back to the conversation.

"Right?" I agreed. "Just so I could stop worrying about it!" And maybe so I could rub it in Jonah's ugly face.

"Yeah," Freddie murmured, smiling his half smile I'd become to accustomed to. He smiled absently, then gave a small laugh.

"What?" I asked, and the mean girl side of me shone through for a moment. But Freddie disregarded my tone.

"Nothing, it's…" he muttered, trailing off.

"Tell me!" I demanded.

"Naw, it's dumb," he said, but he smiled and I knew I had almost won. As usual.

"Say it!"

"Okay!" he relented. "I was just gonna say…"

A crazy, terrifying and insane thought came into my head. No. No way. He could NOT be thinking that. Heck, I couldn't even be thinking that! It was too weird. Too disgusting. Too…intriguing…

"That we should kiss?" I finished his thought, emphasizing my disbelief with a voice dripping with sarcasm.

Freddie's eyes widened, and I thought with a stab of panic that maybe Freddie hadn't been thinking that at all, and that Sam Puckett, his worst nightmare since preschool, had just suggested that us two kissed. Oh god, my life was over. My life was OVER.

"You're gonna break my arm now, right?" he gulped, and the new Freddie, my almost-fried-Freddie, disappeared. There sat the scared little boy I had terrorized for so long. And I didn't like it. I wanted the new Freddie back.

Though breaking his arm was a tempting idea, I couldn't let Freddie go back to being so scared of me again. I.. dare I say it… really liked talking to the new Freddie. And if I was going to be stuck with my loser life, I needed someone to talk to. If kissing the dork was the price of at least another talk… I'd take it.

I shook my head, mulling it all over. "No."

He gulped again, discreetly. "Well… should we? Just so both of us could get it over with?"

No. Yes. No. Yes. I couldn't make up my mind. Half of me wanted to throw FredWeird over the side of the fire escape for even suggesting such a thing (even though technically it was me who actually suggested it) but the other half kind of actually wanted to kiss him, wanted to find out what it would be like.

To kiss, of course. It's not that I really wanted to kiss Freddie. No, of course not.

"Hmm." I made my decision. "Just to get it over with," I said firmly.

"Just to get it over with," he chirped.

"And you swear we'll go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over," I told him. It wasn't a question it was a demand.

"Totally! And we never tell anyone," he agreed enthusiastically.

"Never," I said reluctantly. Never tell anyone? Not even Carly? What was the point of kissing if you never told anyone? Everyone would think that you still haven't kissed anyone, and I'd've kissed Freddie for nothing.

He just sat there, staring at me with his dark, scared eyes. His mouth moved slightly, but he remained stationary.

"Well, lean," I demanded. He did obediently. For some reason, I wished I hadn't said a thing; it didn't feel natural now. It felt like I was forcing him to kiss me, like he was still scared of me. And how could he not be scared of me? I whaled on him only like every day. I was the last person in the world that this innocent dork would ever want to kiss, and yet here we were, both leaning in slowly.

Then our lips met.

It was like a fire had been lit inside my stomach; our heads tilted slightly, our mouths just barely connected. His eyes were shut lightly, and he looked like he was enjoying himself.

Oh god, a part of me screamed. I'm kissing Freddie Benson.

FREDDIE BENSON.

And I liked it.

Suddenly, Freddie was a new guy to me; I noticed how smooth and flawless his skin was, how his brown hair had grown and looked full and soft, how his arms were muscular and his lips felt so good against mine. My eyes searched him almost hungrily, seeing the new Freddie Benson for the first time.

He was a natural. I was the newbie. I barely did anything except stare at him awkwardly through unfocused eyes. And suddenly we pulled away, and it was over all too soon.

An awkward, tense silence followed; but what could you expect? Though all I wanted was to pull him back against me (I bet I could, the dude's weaker than a sack of dead fish) I stepped away slightly.

Freddie look puzzled, yet strangely euphoric.

"Well, that was, um…" he began, his voice hoarse.

"Nice?" I finished timidly.

"Yeah, nice, uh…"

"Good work?" I said, and my hesitation made it sound like a question.

"Thank you, you too," he finished, nodding. His expression was dead. I couldn't see the new Freddie anywhere in his eyes.

I swung my legs over the windowsill really slowly. I felt like puking. Did Freddie hate me? Was I a bad kisser? Did he regret kissing me?

"Hey," he called, and I turned to see the new Freddie, my Freddie, grinning at me with that half smile.

"I hate you," he smiled, almost laughing. My stomach twisted into a knot, my heart broke, and I felt like screaming. I had made him promise to hate me again after the kiss. So now he did. I had lost him, lost what I had just found. We could've been so happy… or could we?

"Hate you too," I mumbled, and ran. For the first time, I regretted lying.

I ran down the stairs, tears forming in my eyes. When was the last time I cried? Oh yeah. When I had to work to pay back Carly and *gulp* Freddie. I had screamed at Freddie like a banshee when he came in and saw me there, in Carly's arms, scared and sad.

Lubert screamed incoherently after me as I ran out into the night; maybe I would go home tonight, instead of sleep at Carly's. Somehow, I didn't feel like talking to her. Not now.

"Mom, I'm back," I called, entering the tiny trailer. She didn't answer. She never does.

I crawled into bed, and fell asleep mercifully quickly. Guess who I dreamed of?

You guessed it.


	2. Choking both ways

"Nothing, it's…" he muttered, trailing off.

"Tell me!" I demanded.

"Naw, it's dumb," he said, but he smiled and I knew I had almost won. As usual.

"Say it!"

"Okay!" he relented. "I was just gonna say…"

A crazy, terrifying and insane thought came into my head. No. No way. He could NOT be thinking that. Heck, I couldn't even be thinking that! It was too weird. Too disgusting. Too…intriguing…

"That we should kiss?" I finished his thought, emphasizing my disbelief with a voice dripping with sarcasm.

His eyes widened, and he jumped back in horror. "You're kidding, right?" he croaked, and his look of terror vanished as his mouth cracked into a huge smile. "Us? Kiss? Tell me you're joking."

"I.." What could I say? I had only said it because I thought that he wanted to! Well, maybe not… ugh, I don't know why, okay? It just sort of came out before I could stop it.

"Oh my god, Sam, how could you ever think I'd want to kiss you?" Freddie said, smirking. His eyes sort of smoldered, and I couldn't move. I felt like jumping off the side of the fire escape. "I hate you!"

I felt a sickening pain in my gut, like I'd been stabbed or something. He'd never said that aloud, though I had. "I'm sorry, I guess…" I muttered softly. "I didn't think…"

"Do you ever?" he countered. I tried to glare at him, but he was in control now. I couldn't do much more than just shuffle my feet and mutter apologies.

"Whatever," he laughed. "See ya round, Sam."

And he made to leave. I grabbed his shoulder, determined to explain myself, but he shook off my hand easily.

Carly appeared at the opening between the fire escape and the building, wearing tons of makeup and this really weird dress that made her look ten years older. She stepped gracefully over the small cement wall, and took Freddie's arm.

"C'mon, Freddie," she said in a really high falsetto. She'd only ever used that voice to make fun of the preppy girls in our school. Freddie gave me a last, scathing look, and wrapped his arm tightly around Carly.

"Wait!" I called, suddenly aware of my grubby t-shirt and ripped jeans, and how I looked in comparison to Carly. "Aw, Freddie, please, I'm really sorry--,"

"Whatever, Sam," he repeated, and then did the one thing that I had feared for years.

He leaned in and kissed Carly passionately.

"NO!" I screamed, twisting and turning like crazy. Next thing I knew, I had toppled out of my bed with a crash.

I lay there for a moment, groaning senselessly. It took me a minute to process everything that was flying around my brain like birds on caffeine.

Last night, Freddie and I had kissed.

If that wasn't creepy enough, I had actually liked it.

I had made Fredward promise to hate me again right after we kissed, and now he did- but I didn't hate him. I anti-hated him. I think that's called liking someone.

I had just dreamt that the conversation had gone horribly wrong, and Freddie was dating Carly or something.

For some reason, that bugged me.

Okay. Now that the little birds-on-caffeine were nice and calm again, I stood up, letting out a last moan as the world spun around me, and got dressed.

_What am I gonna do?_ I thought desperately. Carly had made me promise I would do another iCarly today because I kind of bailed on her last night. Freddie would be there- Oh god, Freddie would be there.

How was I supposed to act all normal and mean to this kid I practically love?

I stopped dead in my tracks, halfway through the act of pulling a shirt- I have no clue which one, probably one of Carly's- over my head. Did I love him? No, of course not. That was impossible. We had just kissed, for Pete's sake! And we were enemies- sworn enemies.

Sure, I liked him, but love him? That was just stupid.

Reassured, I finished getting dressed and grabbed my backpack. The contents- A couple notebooks, unfinished homework that was due today, a few candy bars I had stolen from a wimpy kid named Roger, and some pencils- was crumpled and practically destroyed. My pencils were broken. One of the candy bars was gone; just the wrapper remained.

I froze. What had happened? I hadn't touched my backpack since yesterday, and yet everything was messed up.

And then I noticed that the five dollars I had thrown in my backpack yesterday were missing.

Oh. It all made sense now. My mom had been strapped for cash, so she raided my stuff to find a few bucks.

Though this should've disturbed me, I shrugged it off and un-crumpled the papers that weren't totally ripped. This wasn't the first time mom had practically robbed me.

I headed out the door, slamming it as hard as I could. It was a long bike ride to school- I was panting when I finally arrived at the doors. Parking my bike lazily in the bike rack, I ran to my locker and shoved all my stuff inside. Carly was just closing her locker when I arrived.

"Hey," she greeted, smoothing her hair absently.

For the first time in my life, I wasn't glad to see Carly Shay.

I guess it was the dream. I could still picture Carly (looking like Barbie's better-looking sister) glued to her nerdy stalker of a boyfriend. But I returned the greeting halfheartedly anyway.

Of course she noticed.

"What's up?" she asked at once, frowning at me.

"Nothin'," I sighed. "You got any food?"

"Don't change the subject, you little subject-changer," she scolded, and all my random anger faded away.

"My mom ripped me off again," I mumbled. It was a good enough excuse, and it was true. Carly looked immediately sympathetic.

"Oh my god, that awful!" she said, and opened her locker again. "Here, I half a turkey sandwich for lunch, but I can just buy something."

I took the sandwich hungrily. "Thanks, Carls," I said gratefully, grinning at her.

"So how'd it go with Freddie?" she asked nervously. "He wouldn't talk to me when I asked him last night. He said he was too tired."

"It was fine," I lied through a mouthful of turkey. "I apologized. He said thank you. It's your standard apology conversation."

"Oh," Carly murmured, but she wasn't convinced. Thankfully, she let the subject drop. For the time being.

"Hey, there's Freddie!" Carly said happily. My stomach dropped down to my feet. Turkey fell out of my mouth as my jaw dropped.

"Gotta go," I mumbled, though the bell hadn't even rung yet. I was never, ever early for class, but there was a first time for everything, right?

"Oh no you don't," Carly laughed, pulling me back. "We have to talk iCarly, remember?" We have less than a day to plan, like, five new sketches."

I remained reluctantly by my locker, watching Freddie draw closer. I couldn't look him in the eye- I think I would've melted if I did. The janitor would probably hand in his resignation early if he had to clean a big puddle of melted Sam up.

"Hey," Freddie's deep voice said. He sounded perfectly happy. A little wave of hot anger flashed across my skin for a second. I bet he didn't even care about last night.

I chanced a look up, and immediately regretted it. Freddie look even… better than yesterday. Or maybe he looked the same; either way, he looked pretty good.

His eyes, always searching, found mine, and I felt a little part of me melt. I think it was near my heart area. I looked away at once, ripping another chunk of turkey sandwich viciously.

I must've looked terrible, especially next to Carly. But I tried not to worry about that; plenty of time to worry later.

"So…" Carly said awkwardly, noticing the sour look on my face, "Guys, have any ideas for tonight?"

"Uh… what?" Freddie asked, confused.

"iCarly, dumbo!" Carly reminded him. "We have to do another one, last night's was terrible."

"Oh, yeah," Freddie mumbled, and it sounded like he hated the idea of just the three of us alone just as much as I did.

"I got nothing," I announced, and promptly headed off for my first period class; History. Yuck.

As I was walking, minding my own business for once, Valerie and her cronies appeared right next to me. Valerie bumped into me- hard- and says loudly, "Oops! So sorry, Sam!"

Unfortunately, the bump threw me off balance. I toppled backwards (it felt like it was in slow motion, like in movies) and landed on the floor. Valerie smirked down at me, and her friends giggled delicately. I half swung my fist up at her, red faced and furious. The stupid geekburger would not embarrass me in front of Freddie. But my fist only came a foot away from my face, reaching pointlessly at Valerie, who towered over me. Seething with anger, I tried to get up.

I noticed the "Wet Floor" sign a bit too late. My elbow slipped, and I flopped back on the ground. The group around me howled with laughter. I gasped in surprise as my head hit the floor, and I half swallowed the turkey sandwich in my mouth, but it didn't go down right. It stuck in my throat, and suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

I coughed and spluttered, but I still couldn't get any air through my throat. Valerie's smirk vanished, and someone shouted, "Get a teacher!"

The world swam before me, and I could feel tears (oh, the humiliation) in my eyes. Carly shouted, "Sam!" but the sound echoed, like she was across a football field.

And then, when I had almost given up and just collapsed on the floor (a tempting option), someone wrapped their arms around my waist and pulled me upright. They pulled their hands deep into my stomach repeatedly, performing the Heimlich Maneuver. It was really painful, and I tried to shout, "Stop!" but of course nothing came out.

After a few seconds, I could feel the turkey un-stick in my throat. It was forced into my mouth, and I half coughed, half sobbed until the stupid piece of meat flew a good ten feet in front of me. I breathed deeply, but I felt like I had just swallowed five gallons of hot sauce. My throat was on fire, and every breath hurt. I realized I was sobbing pretty loud (if some other kid was crying like this, I would've kicked the snot out of them). I stifled the noise and turned to see who had "Heimliched" me.

No one was there. The only people standing behind me were Valerie, her friends, Carly, and Freddie, who looked more freaked out than the others, whose arms were still hanging limply by his sides after pummeling the killer turkey out of me…

Freddie Benson had just saved my life.


	3. A little tenderness is shown

_I got to my feet, and quickly ended up on the floor again. Everyone crowded around me again to see if I was okay, but no one helped me up. Finally, Carly reached out and helped me to my feet. _

"_She could've been killed!" Carly shouted at Valerie. _

"_It's her own fault she choked on the sandwich," Valerie snapped, and I launched myself at her. But I didn't make it to Valerie; I collapsed halfway through the leap and landed on the floor- AGAIN._

"_Did you have something to do with this?" Principal Franklin asked Valerie._

"_Yeah, she did!" Carly said angrily. "She tripped Sam!"_

"_Lay off," I muttered. I got a pounding headache and all the screaming was not helping._

"_Carly, take Sam outside, there's an ambulance waiting for her," the Principal said quietly. I stared at him._

"_I'm okay!" I promised. "I mean, I'm not choking or anything, so why--,"_

_But a second later, it became very apparent why. I took one step and fell unconscious to the floor. My head cracked against the tile for like the fifth time, and I blacked out._

_A warmth._

_A nice warmth._

_It filled up my body with a nice fuzzy feeling._

_A rhythmic beeping; scared voices._

_Unfamiliar smells. Too clean._

_A pain. No. Stop. Bring back my warmth._

_The voices become distinct; I can make out words, but not sentences. It's like a badly tuned radio._

"_That…brave…could've been…amazing…" An adoring female voice was saying. _

_I blinked; a room, all white, came into sight. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Heaven's supposed to be all clouds and stuff, right? Well, that's what I thought this was at first._

_Then I could smell the medicine, I could see the bed and the machinery and the windows. And people came into view too._

_Carly was beside my bed, with Spencer right behind her. Mrs. Benson was fawning over *gulp* Freddie, who stood next to his mother faithfully. His eyes were frightened; the new Freddie had retreated back into his shell. I was looking at the old Freddie, the Freddie I chased around the playground holding a dead mouse to freak him out. I hated it._

"_Sup, people?" I asked sleepily. All eyes turned to me._

"_Sam!" Carly cried happily, and flung her arms around me. Freddie didn't move. _

"_Hey, hey, don't break me, Carls," I murmured. "Apparently, I'm pretty fragile right now."_

_It would've been a perfect time for Freddie to say something snide; something to get under my skin. Then I would've got him later; probably spraying apple juice in his face or something. I think he's allergic to fruit._

_But Freddie remained silent, and I saw traces of the new Freddie in his face again. He turned to me, and caught me staring; his look was all knowing, and I got kind of freaked and looked away._

_Carly's arms started getting a bit painful. I squirmed out of her grip, and asked loudly, "So, where's the doc?"_

"_Right here," a doctor said kindly, appearing in the doorway. "Miss Puckett, you'll be able to leave this afternoon."_

"_How long have I been in here?" I asked, glaring meaningfully at Freddie. He could lie and tell me I'd been in the room a year; then I'd pretend to believe him and get really angry. I was setting him up, for Pete's sake. But still, he stayed silent as the grave._

"_Just a couple hours," Carly said helpfully. "We don't have to do iCarly tonight, if you don't want to."_

_I was about to say that yes, I wasn't feeling up to it and yes, we'd have to reschedule, but Carly's face fell so sadly I sighed and mumbled, "I'm fine. Let's do it."_

_Freddie stared at me in shock, but Carly was oblivious to anything but the fact that iCarly was on for tonight._

"_Yay!" she sang happily. When Freddie said nothing, she frowned, turned to him, and demanded, "Say yay!"_

_To my horror, the adorable half smile crept up Freddie's face at Carly's words. He looked at her adoringly, and said, with an air of humoring a young child, "Fine. Yay."_

_It felt like broken glass was being thrown at my chest like darts. Freddie still liked Carly; I was sure of it. He was still looking at her almost hopefully, but she had turned back to me, no longer interested in her lovesick tech man._

"_I think you're ready to go, Samantha," the doctor called from the hall. I jumped up at once, thankful that I was still wearing my jeans and t-shirt. I left the hospital quickly, never once glancing at Freddie._

_I had no right to be mad._

_We had kissed experimentally; that much was certain._

_And I had said we would go back to hating him as soon as it was over. That came true; at least, he hated me. _

_But Freddie had just saved my life. That has to show some compassion coming from his end; or is he just that good a person?_

_But somehow, though I was alive at that moment because of him, I began to hate Freddie. Not all of me hated him; just a reserved little pocket of my heart. He was still in love with Carly, though that would never happen. I thought he'd accepted that by now._

_It was a long car ride to Carly's place (my mom wasn't home; if she was she would've come to the hospital when she found out I HAD ALMOST DIED). Freddie and his mom mercifully took their own car. I sat beside Carly in stony silence; Spencer tried to start a conversation a few times, but I just stared him down._

"_You want something to eat?" Carly asked when we entered her apartment. _

"_D'you really need to ask?" I grinned, flopping down on the couch._

"_Don't get too comfy," Carly warned, "we have iCarly in half an hour."_

_My stomach churned. I began to wonder if I should've refused tonight's rescheduling. "Yeah," I said uncomfortably, "What do we do?" _

"_Just a bunch of old bits we never did, I guess," Carly shrugged, plopping down next to me. She handed me a bag of chips, which I accepted quickly. I grabbed the remote, switching on a random cartoon. Carly seemed really into the storyline. I just sat there, eating the chips (extra salty, of course) and thinking about how awful the following evening would be._

_There was a soft knock at the door, and Carly called, "Come in!" _

_Freddie walked in, sitting on the couch without a word. He didn't sit like a good boy anymore (straight back, uncrossed legs, high head, etc.). His legs were crossed and tucked underneath him on the couch, and one of his arms was flung over the side of the furniture. Carly sat in the middle, and Freddie's arm was scarily close to her shoulder. I wanted to grab Carly out of the way just then, but I stayed stationary._

"_Hey Freddie," Carly said at last, pulling herself out of the cartoon story. _

"_Hey," he responded, and Carly looked at me, as if to say, 'Well?'_

"_Yeah, hey," I mumbled. The urge to hit something- no, someone- no, Carly- became almost impossible. Freddie drank in Carly's good girl features for a moment before return his eyes to the TV._

"_iCarly in ten minutes," Carly announced five minutes later, jumping up from the couch. "Let's go, people!"_

_I trudged up the stairs, hearing Freddie clomping noisily behind me. The iCarly studio was just as cluttered and colorful as usual, but somehow, it seemed kind of frightening to me. I was a little scared I'd reveal something stupid again, like that Freddie and I had kissed last night. _

"_Sam, get over here!" Carly called, doing a little jog in place. I stood dutifully beside her, resolutely still._

"_In five, four, three, two…" Freddie said, pointing to the two of us. _

"_Welcome people of earth who own a computer!" I greeted the camera, and the webshow took off from there._

_I didn't pay attention, mainly; oh sure, I acted out all the little skits, I commented crudely on the videos (both good and lame), and I played the stupid games. It all went quite well, I think._

"_And by now you'll have noticed that we have our tech producer Freddie back," Carly reminded the camera. "Say hey to the people, Freddie."_

_Freddie stepped in front of the camera for about a millisecond, just saying, "Hey to the people," as quickly as possible before hiding himself behind all his tech gear again. I made no comment._

"_Well, that's our show," I said, relived. "See ya next time on--,"_

"_Oh, wait, one more thing," Carly interrupted, looking apologetically at me. Oh no. What was she going to do? Make me apologize AGAIN?_

_But it had nothing to do with me or Freddie. Actually it did, but nothing…too embarrassing. Maybe._

"_As you know, Valentine's Day is just a week away," Carly said. Oh yeah. I'd forgotten. _

"_And this year, we've decided to do something a little special," she continued. "Freddie's made a whole new site, called '.' Go on and post what you want the three of us to do (or more, with guests) and whatever cool idea gets the most votes wins! Go there now, at 'iCarlyValentine dot com'."_

"_iCarlyValentine dot com," I echoed._

"_iCarlyValentine dot com," Carly repeated, grinning._

"_Got it stuck in your brain? Good. See ya next time on iCarly," I said quickly, and Carly just managed to join in with me as we both said, 'iCarly'._

"_And we be clear," Freddie announced. His camera light blinked out. Freddie automatically turned to his laptop, typing in '._

"_Man, there's like a thousand ideas already!" Freddie said gleefully. Carly ran over to join him._

"_These are so stupid!" she laughed. "'Get Joe Jonas on your show and have him kiss Carly'?" Okay, how the heck are we supposed to do that? And eww…"_

"_What, you don't want to kiss Joe Jonas?" I asked, wincing on the word kiss._

"_Of course not!" she said, grimacing. "I mean, okay, I guess he's a bit cute, but his songs are all whiney."_

"_They're not whiney," Freddie protested._

"_Whiney!" Carly retorted, and fell into a bean bag chair dramatically._

"_I'm gonna go get some Mocha Cola. You guys want any?" Carly asked, rising from her chair. Be alone with Freddie?" I don't think so._

"_I'll come with you," I said quickly, heading for the door._

"_No, it's fine, I've got it," Carly promised. And before I could say anything else, she bounded out the door. _

_There might as well have been a sign that said, "Look! Freddie and Sam are alone in a small, cramped studio together!" The information hung in the air between us like a wall. _

_After a couple awkward minutes, I said, "Uh, thanks for today. That was really incredible."_

"_Valerie's such an idiot," Freddie muttered. I felt my heart rise._

"_Yeah," I agreed. The icy silence was threatening to claim us again, so I quickly said, "Why'd you look all pale and scared in the hospital?" It might've been a weird question, but I wanted to know. Freddie walked slowly over to the middle of the studio and sat next to me._

"_I was kind of scared," he admitted, not looking at me. I gaped at him._

"_What? Scared of what?"_

"_Scared of you," he snapped. "This means you'll stop picking on me 24/7, right? Can you at least owe me that?"_

_My heart, which had been fluttering five feet in the air, crashed to the floor and burned there. Freddie was scared of me. He probably regretted saving my life. Most other people would._

"_Yeah, sure," I whispered, and turned away from him. He stared at me in surprise; I could almost feel his eyes in the back of my head._

"_Sam, I'm sorry," he immediately started, but I cut him off._

"_Just forget it. I understand, okay?" I hissed through gritted teeth. _

"_No, I didn't mean to say that!" he retorted. "I'm not scared of you--," I gave him a look that clearly said, 'Oh, please,' "--Okay, so I'm a little scared of you. But what I was really scared of today was…"_

"_Was what?" I demanded. _

"_Losing…you," he mumbled. The angry burn in my heart subsided._

"_You thought I was going to die?" I said, astounded._

"_When you were choking…" he muttered. "Sam, it was really bad. No one was helping you. You just lay there, trying to breathe, and everyone just watched. I was scared."_

"_Wow," I said weakly. "That's, uh…"_

"_Yeah," he agreed. We sat like that, I don't know how long. It was awkward, but I didn't care. _

"_Three Mocha Colas!" Carly announced, entering the room. She was like the annoying little sister, I thought angrily. Coming into places she's just not welcome. Freddie and I had been having another normal conversation, and then…_

_Freddie took his soda with a word of thanks. Carly tossed mine to me, and I caught it deftly, remaining silent. I took a sip without thinking, and a moment later, I was on the floor, coughing like crazy._

_The bubbles tore my already raw throat apart like a machete. It stung and burned terribly, and I suddenly couldn't breathe again. The liquid, only half a sip, was choking me all over again._

_And finally I swallowed (with great difficulty). Carly and Freddie were staring at me; both had a frightened and bewildered look on their face._

"_The soda," I muttered. "It practically burns."_

"_Aw man, I should've remembered!" Carly groaned. "Your throat must be so irritated. Sam, I'm sorry!"_

"_It's nothing, Carls," I reassured her. Freddie saw me grimace as I touched my pained neck, but Carly had already turned away again._

_The three of us headed downstairs, with Freddie still clutching his laptop. He sat on the sofa, his eyes glued to the screen. _

"_Shoot," he said softly._

"_What?" Carly demanded at once. Freddie glanced up at her._

"_It's nothing. These ideas are really stupid," he said, but he blushed a little. _

"_Lemme see!" Carly ran to the sofa, and Freddie clicked once. A window disappeared, to be replaced by another one, with less writing._

"_What were you just looking at?" Carly asked._

"_That was something else…" Freddie trailed off. "Here, look at this one. 'Carly and Sam should have a Valentine's Day Spaghetti Fight.' What does that have to do with Valentine's Day?"_

_Carly laughed and immediately forgot about Freddie's mysterious behavior, but I didn't. Something was on that site he didn't want Carly to see._


	4. The secret is revealed

The next day was hell.

There's no getting around it; it was literally my own little personal hell.

When I first entered the school, a bunch of kids I'd never even talked to came rushing up to me, asking me how I felt. Teachers all day were extra nice to me, but not in a good way; they acted like I had a mental issue or something.

Principal Franklin gave Fredward a pretty little plaque for saving my life, which was bad enough; but he made the whole school watch. I was expected to say a 'word of thanks' to my 'savior'; I just glared at Principal Franklin until his 'kind' little smile melted away.

The only good part of the day was when Valerie came up to me- alone, without her usual followers- and apologized for pushing me. It was awful for her, I bet, which made it better for me.

The conversation went like this:

"Uh, hey, Sam."

"Hey, murderer."

"Wha- oh. I'm sorry about yesterday."

"Oh, whatever, it's okay. I only almost died."

"You're not making this any easier."

"I'm not trying to."

"Okay, well, you're alive…"

"Well spotted."

"Ugh! Listen. I'm sorry for pushing you. I'm also sorry that you choked, but you eat so much, it's not a big surprise…" (her idea of being cutting and witty)

"It's a good thing Freddie was around. He's great at that Heimlich thing; but he could've let up the grip a little. I felt like he would squeeze more than the sandwich out of me." (the only reason I said this was to get under her skin. Valerie still loves Freddie, I can see it. And I hate her even more now.)

This is when Valerie stalked away, looking as though she would've liked very much if the sandwich did its job, and I was dead. I glared after her for a second before grabbing my stuff from my locker. Carly appeared next to me, looking anxious.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked nervously. "What'd Valerie say?"

"Nothing much," I said, shrugging. "Her idea of an apology. Let's go."

"No, we have to wait for Freddie," Carly said firmly, looking around for him.

"Why?" I asked, perplexed. It was Carly's turn to shrug.

"Because I promised him we'd walk home together. You're coming to my place, right?"

"I dunno," I sighed. She frowned at me.

"Sam, you can't go home. Not after your mom… just come back to my place, please? Spencer said he'd let us try the new Splatter Master 2000."

"Which is…?" I asked, and she grinned, knowing perfectly well that she'd won.

"Picture a paintball gun," she said dramatically, grabbing my shoulder with one hand and staring off into the distance like our screwy English teacher.

"A paintball gun," I murmured, playing along.

"Now, picture that paintball gun duplicated itself, so there are now twenty paintball guns," Carly half said, half sang.

"Get to the point," I warned her. She dropped the act.

"Basically, it's a giant military cannon blaster that fires a million paintballs at once," she announced. "Oh," Carly added deviously, "and did I mention it doesn't just shoot paint, but anything you cram in the back?"

I felt my heart stop. "Anything?" I gulped, my voice breaking slightly. "Like… like leftover spaghetti tacos you could fire at an unsuspecting nerd?"

"Yep," she said, swinging her arms back and forth.

"Let's go!"

I was halfway out the door when Carly called, "We have to wait!"

Luckily, we didn't wait long. Freddie appeared at Carly's locker five minutes later, giving Valerie a dirty look from across the room. I smiled slightly.

"Pick up the pace, Fredward!" I called teasingly. "We don't have all day, you know. The Splatter Master 2000 waits for no man."

He reemerged from his locker, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. Our eyes met, and once again, I felt like I would melt. Geez, I try to act normal around the guy and he melts me with his eyes!

"I'm ready," he said quietly. I frowned at him. It was hard enough trying to forget all about the… incident, like we'd promised. But when he acted all mysterious and thoughtful? It was impossible.

The three of us walked back to the apartment complex. I never spoke a word; Carly and Freddie chatted lightly, mostly about school. Finally, when we were just walking into the lobby, Carly said, "Why so silent, Sam?"

Noticed, did she? "Just bored with your conversation. You know what grade-talk does to me."

Carly mimed sleeping. I forced a laugh.

We piled into Carly's apartment, evading Mrs. Benson by a hair. The Splatter Master stood proudly in the center of the room, with a giant canvas in front of it. Spencer was nowhere to be seen. A note was taped clumsily to the front of the giant machine.

" 'Carls,'" Carly read aloud, " 'Went out for a new goldfish. I think Flippy might've wanted to die. Don't worry; he's swimming in the biggest fish tank there ever was, up with the big man. Be back soon. Feel free to test out the SM 2000.'"

"What're we waiting for?" I demanded, running at the Splatter Master. Carly caught the back of my sweatshirt. The movement caused my throat to erupt into spasms of pain, but Carly didn't relinquish her grip.

"I don't think so," she laughed, oblivious to my spluttering and coughing. "First, we plan our Valentine's Day iCarly; then we play with the Splatter Master."

She mercifully let go of my sweatshirt, and I stumbled forward before regaining my balance.

"Freddie, show us the Valentine website!" Carly called. "Any new ideas?"

Freddie blushed again at the mention of the site. "I'll check," he said, and typed in the address on Carly's computer. Before we could see the site, however, he closed the window again.

"Nothing new!" he announced. "Let's go plan the show."

"Hold it," Carly said, and Freddie froze. "Show us the site, Freddie! I want to see what these screwballs have been thinking of."

"No, I'll show you later," Freddie promised. "Now c'mon."

Carly dropped the subject once again, but I was getting pretty annoyed with Freddie hiding this site that was supposed to help all three of us plan for the webshow we had to do in just a few days. I glared at the back of Freddie's head all the way up the stairs, trying not to notice how good his hair looked all tousled…

Carly plopped down in a bean bag chair, leaning back so far that her hair brushed the floor. I sat next to her.

"Okay, people. Ideas?" she asked, her voice a bit thick from hanging upside down.

We brainstormed for half an hour, laughing at the ridiculous games we could play. Most of them involved Gibby, some sort of disgusting substance (like gravy mixed with suntan lotion), and a giant, heart-shaped tub. Freddie laughed enthusiastically at all of Carly's ideas, but provided little himself. I forced myself to smile and joke like normal, but found myself trying involuntarily to act icy and indifferent towards Freddie. I tried to shake the feeling off, but every time he looked at Carly, I couldn't help shutting myself down into standby mode.

"I forgot my laptop downstairs," Freddie said suddenly, slapping himself in the forehead. "I'll be right back."

I watched him go carefully, and as soon as his frame had disappeared down the hallway, I sprang up.

"Whoops, time for cheese," I announced, heading for the open door. Carly looked a bit put out at being left alone, but didn't object.

I flew down the stairs, making as little noise as possible. As I had presumed, Freddie was sitting on the couch, gazing fixedly at his computer screen. He kept changing the page; clicking refresh over and over again. But the poll numbers- I was too far away to see details- seemed to stay resolute.

I crept up behind the couch, finally saying softly, "Whatcha looking at?"

Freddie jumped a mile high, shutting his laptop with a snap. "N-nothing," he said shakily. "Just my email. Don't scare me like that, Sam."

A hot feeling tingled in my stomach when he said my name. I ignored it best I could.

"Show me," I demanded. "It's the Valentine site, isn't it? You've been hiding it from us all week!"

"Have not!" he responded, making for the stairs. I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back.

"Tell me what you were looking at, Freddie," I said menacingly. His face was maybe three inches from my own; I held his arm tighter than was necessary, and began breathing rather shallow.

"Let go, Sam!" he said angrily. Freddie put his hand, trembling, on my shoulder, and attempted to push me off. Neither of us could look away; the moment was brief, but I swear he felt the same freakish butterflies I did. More like bats. I had bats in my stomach.

"You don't want to see that site," he said in a rather high pitched voice. "I think we should just take it down, and do the show without the viewers' help."

I dropped my hand, glaring at him best I could. But my heart was hammering in my chest, and Freddie's breath was as ragged as mine. He took his laptop and ran up the stairs, not glancing back once.

I let out a little half-sigh half-groan, and started walking towards the stairs. A shrill beeping sounded once in the room, and I turned to find the source.

Spencer's computer, sitting on the odd desk-like furniture near the kitchen, displayed a pop-up ad proclaiming that I had only ten minutes to claim my brand new Nano PearPod. I slid into the stool behind the computer, clicking the miniscule 'X' in the top right corner.

An idea- so obvious I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it before- popped into my head. I wanted to find out what Freddie was hiding from Carly and me on the Valentine iCarly website. Here I was, sitting in front of a working computer with internet access. Two and two make four.

I clicked on the Internet Explorer icon twice, and the world wide web welcomed me. I typed in the address of the site with flying fingers, not wanting Freddie to come back down and catch me on the 'forbidden' site.

It was a pretty cool website. My face, next to Carly's, grinned at me from the top left banner; hearts and revolving icons winked at me from all over the page. Different choices were listed at the top; "Send in your idea", "View most popular ideas", "Vote" and "Go to " flashed in pink and red.

I clicked on "View most popular ideas". Some were pretty good; my favorite was one that involved Carly and me making a fake romance movie, like "Kelly Cooper: Terrible Movie" but with tons of gross love scenes. Carly's love interest would be played by Jake. Mine would be played by… Daniel Radcliffe???? These people were nuts.

The ideas were listed by how many votes they had received. I scrolled up and down, checking out all of the crazy things we could be doing. Number 3 on the list, with 80,374 votes, involved Carly dressing up as a giant heart, and me dressing up as Cupid. Freddie would play a Valentine's Day hot dog. I guess these people had liked our "Freddie the Christmas Flashlight" bit.

I scrolled up a bit farther to view the number 1 idea. It had 300,679 votes; must be good, I thought.

I revealed the idea slowly, scrolling up word by word, and with each new piece of information, I felt my stomach drop lower and lower, while my heart soared into my throat.

'I think that Sam and Freddie should kiss,' the girl, Katie B. of Washington, posted. 'Both of them haven't kissed anyone yet, and it would be really sweet if they got their first kiss from each other. Vote for me if you ship "Seddie"!'

'Seddie'? I thought blankly. What's 'Seddie'? How do you ship 'Seddie'? This girl was one hammer short of a toolbox.

But the votes were in, and it looked like this idea would win. There were only a few days left.

Little did Katie B. of Washington know, Freddie and I had already gotten our first kisses from each other. Would we have a second? I hated to admit it, but I wished we would. And, if the poll numbers stayed the same, there was a good chance we might.

Struggling with the conflicting nervousness and elation, I sped up the stairs, trying my best to fix the 'clueless' expression on my features.


	5. My worst nightmare come alive

This is the longer chapter yet, and by far my favorite. It's thirteen pages long!!! I hope y'all enjoy it. Get ready for serious Creddie/Seddie drama! 

And I'm sorry this chapter is all underlined. I CAN'T FIX IT! *sniff* HELLLPPP MEEEE!

The next few days were… interesting.

Sometimes the time flew; sometimes I felt like the clocks were running backwards. Whenever I saw Freddie, the clocks were definitely screwing up; every second lasted hours. 

I counted down the hours until the Valentine's Day iCarly show at night, lying awake in my bed; I curled under the thin sheets, listening to my somewhat rowdy neighbors take out their anger on each other. When I was younger, the sounds terrified me. Now, on a good night, I barely heard them at all.

After an eternity, the day of our special Valentine show arrived. It was February 13th; we decided that an extra day of festivities before the real holiday would make the viewers' Valentine's Day rock even more. Besides, Valentine's Day fell on a Saturday this year; no exchanging cards at school. These people needed something to do.

"You ready?" Carly called from her locker, swinging her backpack over her shoulder.

"Yeah, baby!" I grinned, slamming my locker door. "This'll be the best show yet."

"It depends on what's the top idea on the Valentine website," Carly reminded me. My heart twirled.

"Yeah… I bet it sucks," I muttered, hiding a reluctant smile.

"What do you think we'll have to do?" Carly asked. I pressed the side of my head against the wall of lockers. The cool metal felt nice against my flaming skin.

"Something with Gibby, gross food, or both, that much is obvious," I groaned. My voice was fairly convincing. Carly giggled.

"D'you think we have enough material?" Carly pressed on as we walked out the school's double doors. I considered the question.

"Well, we have the Candy Hearts Tasting Challenge, the different videos sent in to us, the surprise guest (a pig wearing a heart hat that knows Irish step dancing), the Valentine Play, the Messing With Lubert where we send Lubert a fake Valentine…" I ticked off each idea on my fingers. "I think we're good, Carls."

"But what if we don't have enough time to do the extra idea sent in by the viewers?" Carly moaned. I rolled my eyes.

"We make the show a bit longer. It's not like the losers have any big plans on the day before Valentines Day."

"Our viewers aren't losers!" Carly countered. I just stared at her.

"Okay, so some of the videos we get are a bit lame," she said reluctantly, "but not all our viewers--,"

I cut her off with a look. 

"You win," she sighed. I grinned. 

"I'm home!" Carly called. Spencer, bent double over the sink, held up an arm in recognition and shouted, "Hey!" in a thick, slurred voice that suggested his condition could be better.

"Spence, what's up?" Carly gasped, rushing to his side. She flung her backpack on the couch.

"Bad chicken," Spencer moaned. Unfortunately, I didn't hear that part; I had seen the half eaten chicken on the table, and had already wolfed down the entire portion before Spencer had finished talking.

Carly and Spencer both turned to look at me in horror. I swallowed quickly, meeting their eyes in confusion.

"What?" I demanded. Before the word had left my mouth, my brain had put two and two together and realized I had just eaten rancid chicken.

"Aw, crap!" I groaned, and my stomach growled hideously. Of all the days to eat bad food! Poultry was not my friend this week. First the killer turkey, now this.

"Come sit," Carly ordered. I stumbled uneasily to the couch, moaning incoherently. 

"Are you gonna be okay?" Carly asked nervously. I opened my eyes a crack.

"Maybe," I muttered. "I'm sorry, Carls. That was so stupid, and on the day of our show…"

"Whatever," Carly said comfortingly. "We could always do the show tomorrow, on the real Valentine's Day."

I smiled weakly up at her, and felt a twinge of guilt. All this week I had been uncharacteristically icy to Carly; not terribly indifferent, but less cordial than usual. She was practically half angel. How could I blame Freddie for liking her?

I couldn't. But that didn't mean I couldn't get angry about it.

"Can I come in?" Freddie's voice called from the door. I heard the door slam, which meant Freddie was 'in', no matter what Carly answered. 

"What's up with Sam?" he asked. Hot, bubbling humiliation curled in my stomach. I must've looked awful.

"She ate some rancid chicken," Spencer called helpfully from the kitchen. After he finished talking, Spencer bent over the sink again, retching and moaning, "Oh, this is not fun!"

"The same that Spencer ate, I'm guessing?" Freddie sighed. I heard the laughter in his voice, and glared at him. He stared back, amused. I was reminded of Scarlett and Rhett from Gone With The Wind. Carly wouldn't shut up about them last year. I had gotten to know the characters too well for my liking.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Freddie asked Carly. I sat up, swaying slightly.

"I don't know," I said loudly. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Freddie chuckled. "Sorry, I meant, are you gonna be okay?"

"I don't know," I mumbled, sinking onto the couch again. "I hope so."

I secretly thought that Freddie looked uncomfortable with the idea that I would recover in time for the show. Maybe he didn't want to kiss a girl who had just eaten bad chicken. Maybe he didn't want to kiss me at all. It would make sense, wouldn't it?

"I'll get you some juice," Carly announced, rising and sprinting to the kitchen. Spencer made another hideous noise, and I squirmed at the sound.

I felt strong fingers curl around my left shoulder. Opening my eyes, I saw Freddie gripping my arm supportively, staring down at me anxiously. He looked as surprised as I was to find us in this postion, and quickly removed the hand.

"You looked in pain," he mumbled. 

"I'm fine, Freddork," I sighed. "Spencer's grossing me out, that's all."

"How d'you feel?" he asked, moving a bit closer. I tried my best not to look green and sickly, as though I could control it.

"Nasty," I admitted truthfully. 

"Will you be able to make it tonight?" he asked softly, as though he didn't want anyone else to hear our conversation. Spencer's retches and groans covered us pretty well. Man, Carly was taking forever with that juice!

"I really hope so," I muttered. His face became stony.

"If you don't feel up to it, we can postpone the show," Freddie promised. "Really, we don't have to do it. In fact, it would be better to do it tomorrow night anyway."

I was hurt, and I know it showed. He really didn't want to kiss. Carly bounded back with my juice, effectively ending our conversation.

"One orange juice, ala Carly Shay," she sang. I took the cup gratefully, grinning at her.

"Thanks," I said, drinking deeply. I felt better immediately.

"Let's see how you are on your feet," Carly said, taking my elbow and forcing me upward. My head spun automatically; I stumbled back on the couch.

"Whoa there, girl," I groaned. "I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"iCarly starts in four hours," Carly frowned. 

"Plenty of time for a girl to recover," I promised. Freddie's scowl became more pronounced. 

Carly turned on the TV, flipping through the channels. "What do you guys want to see?" she called.

"Anything," Freddie shrugged.

I raised a limp hand, palm facing upward, to show my indifference.

Carly sighed, and flipped to a random channel. It turned out to be CSI Miami.

After five minutes, there was a close up of a bloodied, mutilated and detached hand inside a plastic bag. My stomach lurched, and I wrenched myself off the couch.

"Bathroom," I choked out, running for the hallway.

I bent over the toilet, feeling the disgusting substances fill up my mouth. I spit repeatedly, feeling tears burn in my eyes from the taste and sensation of throwing up. I clutched my stomach with one arm, pulling back my long blonde hair with the other.

Suddenly, hands that were not my own grabbed hold of my hair, yanking the annoying locks out of my face. Carly, I thought automatically.

After I was through, I straightened up, coughing terribly. Someone handed me a tissue, and I wiped my face.

"Thanks, Carls," I coughed. 

"You're welcome," a deep voice, definitely not Carly's, answered. I turned slowly to see Freddie standing behind me, looking defiant yet a bit fearful.

"Carly wanted to help too," he explained. "But I got here first."

I know I should've been embarrassed; my crush had just held my hair while I puked. But I wasn't. I grinned at him.

"Okay, how awful do I look?" I questioned him, twirling to give him a full view. He surveyed me, frowning slightly.

"Pale, sickly, and undeniably Sam-ish," he said finally. After he saw me smirking at him, he continued, "Well, I don't know how else to say it."

"When am I not Sam-ish?" I asked, checking my reflection in the mirror. 

"I guess I can phrase that better," he grinned. "What I meant to say was that you look pale, sickly, but you have that just-try-and-mess-with-me look in your eyes."

"Good enough," I commented. We left the bathroom. Carly was standing just outside, anxious as ever.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" she cried at once. "I shouldn't've turned on CSI."

"It was an accident, Carls," I reminded her. "I would've thrown up anyway. The chicken, remember?"

"You've been through so much this week," Carly breathed. "First the choking thing, now the chicken…"

Good thing Freddie was around both times, I felt like saying. But I held off.

Carly helped me to the couch, where the three of us reviewed our show for the thirtieth time. After an hour and a half, we took a break for an hour where we watched Monk (a cop show WITHOUT all the disgusting blood and gore). I felt a ton better by the second episode we watched.

"An hour and a half, people," Carly announced. "Sam, health check."

"Feelin' fine," I told her. "Not perfect, but way better."

Freddie, who had looked quite happy for the past few hours, suddenly frowned again. A shadow fell over his eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" Carly asked him, who had also noticed the attitude change.

"Nothin'," he muttered. "I'm just… a bit nervous for the show."

It was obvious he was lying. Carly and I exchanged a loaded look before turning our attention back to the TV.

Another hour passed; color had returned to my face (or so Carly had told me excitedly), I was sitting up without a head rush, and my stomach felt normal. Spencer had barely left the sink the entire time; apparently, he had eaten way more turkey than I had. Finally, he took his head out of the metal basin and slumped onto a stool.

"Feeling better?" Carly asked hopefully. Spencer moaned something into the table, which his head was resting on.

"We have to get ready!" Freddie yelped, glancing at his watch. "Sam--,"

He turned to me with a last, pleading look. It was hard to refuse him this request, but I wasn't going to miss this webshow for the world. Let's give the people what they wanted.

"You won't regret it," he said through gritted teeth. "Please, listen to me."

But he must've seen the determination in my eyes, for he dropped the subject without waiting for an answer. We all headed upstairs; Carly and Spencer had decorated the studio last night, and it looked fantastic.

Gigantic plastic hearts were hung everywhere; colorful streamers and ribbons fluttered in the air conditioner's breeze. A disco ball hung in the middle of the ceiling. Plastic Cupid statues were placed in the corners, and Aphrodite statues stood proudly above them. The room was lit by at least forty candles, and the air was heavily perfumed. I gulped; my mouth had gone suddenly dry.

"Doesn't it look great?" Carly asked happily. I could only nod. Freddie whispered a small 'Wow'. 

"You've really outdone yourself," I murmured, running a hand through the low steamers. Carly blushed.

"Hey, we have to get into costume," Carly said suddenly, reaching for a plastic bag in the corner. I gaped at her.

"Costume?" I repeated perplexedly. Carly looked sheepish.

"Oh… we didn't tell you. On the Valentine site, a ton of viewers voted on which outfits you and I should wear. We didn't want to make it the only request we took, so Freddie made a whole other portion of the site devoted to outfits."

"What'd the people vote for?" I demanded, my nerves stretched to breaking point.

"It's not bad," Carly laughed. I relaxed. I would not kiss Freddie wearing some stupid heart costume. 

Carly pulled out two long, glittering dresses. I stared at them, my mouth open slightly.

"Which one's mine?" I asked. Now it was Carly's turn to stare.

"What? No complaints about having to wear a dress?" she laughed.

"C'mon, show me," I begged. Carly handed me the dark blue dress, and I raced to the bathroom to try it on.

I slipped into the dress easily- it was a perfect fit- and admired myself in the florescent light. 

It was a halter top, which revealed my shoulders and most of my back. The dress was covered in small, navy blue sequins, which winked and glittered wonderfully. The bottom of the dress fanned out in a mermaid-tail style. 

I tugged at my hair desperately; it didn't look that bad, but I brushed it in front of my face, not wanting to look pale and sick on the show.

I waltzed into the studio, falling dramatically backwards, knowing Carly would catch me. And she did. I look up to see my friend in a sultry, deep pink sequined dress quite like mine. It wasn't a halter; the dress had spaghetti straps, and fit Carly perfectly. I caught Freddie looking at the pair of us, and hoped beyond hope that he was focusing on me. But I knew it wasn't the case.

"Ten minutes!" Carly called, lifting me to my feet again. 

"What're we doing first?" I asked, running a hand absently through my hair. I hadn't felt this girly since… never.

"The skit," Freddie said to the room at large, scrolling down the script on his laptop. "Then the candy heart tasting, a couple videos, a minute of random dancing, the surprise guest, Messing With Lubert, and whatever the viewers sent in to the site."

We rushed about the studio, making last minute changes to the script and the set. Carly checked the wall clock, gasped, and grabbed a handful of my hair, dragging me across the room.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," I moaned repeatedly. When she finally released my head, we were smack dab in front of the camera, which was blinking red.

"Are we live?" I gasped, turning to Freddie. 

"No, I'm just turning on my equipment," he explained. "We go live in five, four, three, two…"

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Carly and I crowed in unison, crowding close to the camera lens.

The show took off from there. We performed the skit Carly had written, which went pretty well. After the candy heart tasting test, where Carly and I tasted candy hearts that had been soaked in different substances (chocolate sauce, gravy, etc.), we showed a few videos sent in by the viewers.

"And now, a kid who loves to eat broccoli--," Carly began.

"--with his feet!" I finished, pressing the applause button on my remote.

The monitor sprang to life, revealing a fifteen year old guy lying flat on his back with his feet in the air. A bowl of broccoli sat by his legs, the stalks all colored red and pink.

"iCarly dot com!" the boy said, grinning stupidly. "Happily Valentine's Day, Carly, Sam, Freddie."

And he began picking the stalks up with his toes, flinging them ten feet in the air before catching each one in his mouth. 

The monitor went blank, and Carly and I applauded loudly.

"That almost makes me want to eat broccoli," I sighed.

"Next, here's a video sent in by Jenna G. She swears this'll scare anyone," Carly announced. The monitor revealed a rocking chair, still as the grave. I glanced at Carly, a bit nervous.

"This is scary?" I whispered. She grinned.

"I've seen it before. Don't be afraid to scream," she whispered back. I gave her a perplexed look before turning my attention back to the screen.

The chair had slowly begun to move, back and forth, and a girl holding a Valentine materialized slowly inside it. It would've been freaky, if it hadn't been so obvious that the girl had been photo-shopped in. 

And then, out of absolutely nowhere, a monkey-like creature with a twisted, bloody face filled up the whole screen, howling grotesquely. I screamed like a banshee.

"And Jenna G. wasn't lying!" I groaned as the monitor went black. 

After a few most videos, the lights dimmed even further, and the bodiless male voice called, "Raaandom Daaancing!"

Carly and I began throwing ourselves across the room, dancing in every way possible. Because it was Valentine's Day, we waltzed a bit, and Carly grabbed a rose from a vase in the corner to put between her teeth. 

When what little light there had been before came back on, Carly spit out the rose, laughing. My laugh stuck in my throat as I saw Freddie bend to pick up Carly's rose, placing it carefully on a nearby table. 

"And now, for our surprise guest!" Carly announced. 

"I hope you like pigs doing Irish step!" I grinned.

The pig, complete with a heart hat and painted pink toes, danced onto the set. Carly and I exclaimed in disbelief- we had never seen the pig before, just heard about it. 

Carly and I joined in dancing after a while, yet not very well. After a few minutes, the lights dimmed again, and "Raaandom Daaancing!" chorused throughout the room.

The pig danced with us, doing little backflips and insane things a pig shouldn't have been able to do. 

"Okay, pig, get out of here before Sam eats you," Carly said, carrying the pig off set. 

"You better run, porky!" I shouted, pretending to leap after the animal. Carly caught me around the waist and hauled me upright.

"And now, for our recurring segment," Carly began.

"Messin' with Lubert!" we both shouted.

"We've sent Lubert a fake valentine filled with mustard that'll explode if anyone screams," I explained. "And since Lubert freaks out every five seconds--,"

"--At everything--," Carly added.

"--our large warted friend should be covered in year old mustard in about a minute," I finished.

Freddie turned on the live LubertCam. Our paid actor (aka the postman who would do anything for a couple bucks) handed Lubert the Valentine, which was thick and nasty looking. 

"What's this?" Lubert shouted. The valentine shook uncontrollably.

"A valentine," the postman said unnecessarily. Lubert rolled his eyes.

"From who, dingbat?" 

"There's no need to yell, sir," the postman said, affronted. Carly and I grinned at each other; this was sure to get Lubert going.

"There's plenty of need to yell when--," Lubert began, but just then the valentine exploded into a thousand pieces, covering Lubert in mustard. 

Lubert screamed in anger, which made the valentine explode again, squirting small amounts of the remaining mustard into his face. With each fresh scream, the bits of valentine re-exploded, each new attempt feebler than the last. Finally, as Lubert screamed yet again, the last bits of mustard squirted into his mouth, and the valentine lay still.

"Oh my god, how much mustard did you put in that thing?" Carly asked me, laughing.

"As much as would fit, which was a surprisingly large amount," I grinned.

"Okay, folks, it's what you've all been waiting for," Carly announced in a deep, dramatic voice.

"You sent in your ideas to iCarlyValentine dot com," I continued. 

"The people have spoken!" Carly said.

"Hallelujah, we have a winner!" I said.

"You voted online, and now Sam and I will have the pleasure to grant you your wish," Carly said, looking a bit nervous. "Freddie, show us the winning idea."

"A girl sent in a video," Freddie said miserably. "It got 501,982 votes, the clear winner."

501,982? But the idea that had been winning just a few days ago had only three hundred thousand something votes. I hadn't checked the site in days… was it possible that another idea beat out mine? Would Freddie and I not be sharing another kiss?

Panic clawed at my already upset stomach. "Show the video, Fredward," I growled, and I think he saw the hurt in my eyes. He looked at me pleadingly before bringing up the video on the monitor.

A girl, no older than twelve, appeared on the screen. "Hi everyone at iCarlyValentine dot com!" she grinned. "I watch iCarly every week. It's common knowledge that Freddie has a huge crush on Carly, right?"

Oh god, no. Anything but this. This must be a joke. 

"Well, I think that deep down, Carly likes Freddie, too," the girl continued. Carly glanced at me, looking terrified. I glared back, and she seemed burnt by my angry look.

"So why don't Carly and Freddie kiss? It's Valentine's Day, for Pete's sake. I think it would make Freddie really happy, and Carly would maybe admit that she likes him too. Vote for me if you ship Creddie!" 

Again with the shipping! First Seddie, now Creddie. What was next?

"Well, we promised to give you what you wanted," Carly said reluctantly. I couldn't say a word. I looked up at Freddie, who was staring apologetically at me. 

Oh, now I got it. Freddie hadn't wanted me to see the site, because he knew it would hurt my feelings. He felt sorry for me. 

"Freddie?" Carly hissed, motioning him forward. Freddie obediently stepped out from behind the camera. 

"Sam, can you man the equipment for a moment?" Carly asked, looking a bit flustered. And then I realized; Carly did like Freddie. All this week I had told myself that even though Freddie liked Carly, she would never, ever take him. I was about to catch the worst moment of my life on camera, for the world to see.

The comments poured in before the two had even touched. "Omg, is this for real?" "Total coinshipping moment. Creddie forever!" "Poor Sam. She looked upset."

Oh, great. Now the viewers felt sorry for me too. I stared angrily through the lens of the video camera, trying to block out the pain that was threatening to crush me.

Freddie wrapped an arm around Carly's sequin-clad waist, pulling her against him. She wrapped her arms delicately around his neck, leaning forward. Her eyes sparkled with violet eye shadow, her long lashes fluttering. They were a perfect couple.

Freddie looked conflicted, but Carly's face was full of pure bliss. She gazed into his eyes, and all other emotions were washed from Freddie's face; he smiled the half smile I loved so much, and my heart tore again and again. 

Carly tilted her head slightly, her hair brushing his neck. Without warning, their lips crushed against each other, and Freddie tightened his grip on Carly's waist. They both looked so happy. I couldn't bear it.

I set the camera on its stand, and ran from the room as fast as I could. They didn't notice. I raced down the hall, flew down the stairs, and left the apartment in about two minutes. I felt a sob riding in my throat, and tears poured down my face. 

They were perfect together; both good kids from nice families, teacher's pets, never cruel or tactless. She was beautiful. He was handsome. 

What was I? An unwanted extra, tarnishing their beautiful moment together. I ran faster, unaware of where I was. It was dark, and my sobs echoed throughout the night. No one heard me, and if they did, I'll be damned if they cared.

I was so foolish, thinking Freddie might actually like me back. The kiss had been experimental, nothing more. I was the only one who had taken any feeling away from it. I bet he wished that night had never happened, that his first kiss had been with Carly. I felt useless.

I collapsed on the grass, running through my options in my head. I could run now; no one would miss me. Not my mom; she would only miss the extra cash I provided. Not the teachers; they would rejoice. Not Carly; she would make other friends, better friends, friends who didn't steal from her fridge and camp on her couch. Not Freddie; of course not Freddie. I'm an idiot, idiot.

I could pretend like it didn't bother me. Going to school each day, seeing the two of them hand in hand; sure, it would be a nightmare, but maybe I could keep my head high. I might be able to explain my actions tonight as symptoms of the chicken. I had gotten another wave of nausea, that would work.

I could let them know how tonight had hurt me. Of course I wouldn't choose this option, but it was nice to know I had possibilities. I could scream at Freddie until I was hoarse and red-faced, tell him everything until he knew my mind inside and out. I could yell at Carly all the insults I had bottled up for so many years. They would probably laugh in my face.

What other options did I have? Not many. I would probably end up trudging home sometime tonight, thinking smugly how much they all missed me, just to find out they'd all be better off with me gone. I would make it through the weeks, keeping my friendship with Carly alive somehow, smiling robotically every time Freddie came around.

My phone tinkled softly; the music, though barely audible normally, cut through the silent air. The sound melded with my sobs, the twin noises echoing through the night. 

I flipped open my phone; the brilliant light from the screen blinded me momentarily. It was an incoming call from an unknown number.

I held my phone to my ear, and croaked, "Hello?"

"Hey, Sam?" It was Jake. I was sure of it. 

"Hey. This is Jake, right?" I confirmed.

"Yeah. Listen, my girlfriend and I just broke up, and I'm really hurting and stuff."

Could this be? "Aw, I'm sorry."

"It's cool. She wasn't the one, you know? So anyway, I was watching iCarly, and with Freddie and Carly all hooked up, I figured you might be a bit…"

"Lonely?" I finished. 

"Yeah. Listen, I know it's pretty late, but do you want to meet at the Groovy Smoothie?"

"Are we…" I trailed off, hoping he'd understand.

"If you want to be."

"Yeah. That'd be awesome."

"Great!" There was relief in his voice. Jake liked me.

"Be there soon," I promised. We hung up.

Though a few weeks ago I would've been dying of happiness, the fact that I was dating the infamous Jake barely lifted my spirits at all. The only reason I felt slightly better was the fact that Carly still held a candle for Jake, though he'd never look at her twice. A warming vengeance filled up my stomach, and I leapt to my feet, smoothing out my hair. It was lucky I was still wearing the sequined dress.


	6. Revenge with some help from Jake

Though I already added a thirteen page chapter to this story today, I decided to add this little chapter also. So enjoy. This is the first of many angst chapters.

And if the whole text is underlined… I don't know what's going on with my stories. Please forgive me, and try to read the story anyway. I live for your comments.

I walked into the Groovy Smoothie, admiring the way the florescent lights hit my dress. I literally sparkled.

Jake sat in a corner, alone in a large booth. I grinned confidently, though inside I couldn't have been more nervous. Jake's face lit up when he saw me, and motioned for me to come closer.

I slid into the booth, moving closer than I would have ever dared if my heart wasn't already shattered. Jake looked surprised but not altogether unhappy at my rash movement.

"Hey," he greeted, looking shy.

"Hey," I returned the informal greeting, blushing slightly as he looked me over.

"You look awesome," he said, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I felt guilty- I didn't like Jake at all (anymore), and yet here I was, taking out all my passion on him. I closed my eyes slightly, and suddenly I was in Freddie's arms, with Carly nowhere in sight.

"Thanks," I murmured, remembering our conversation. "You don't look too bad yourself."

And it was true. Jake was incredibly cute, as always. He grinned, and I was dazzled momentarily.

"You want something?" he asked. I nodded. A waitress quickly came to our table, looking relieved at having something to do. It was pretty late, after all, and there weren't many customers.

"Strawberry," I said, not caring how rude I sounded. Nothing mattered anymore. I felt numb from head to toe, and the only thing that broke the icy fog layering my mind was Jake's firm arm around me.

My smoothie came quickly, and I drank deeply. Jake and I exchanged small talk; it was obvious this boy wasn't exactly lake-deep. He cared about looks, music, and girls. Sure, he was kind and cared about my feelings; but he didn't understand like Freddie did.

I turned my head to face him again, and, without warning, Jake's lips claimed mine. He pulled away immediately, looking scared.

"Sorry," he muttered. "That was--,"

Before he could finish, I kissed him again, curling my arms around his neck. A fire was burning subtly in my stomach, though it wasn't a happy warmth; all I could see in my mind was Carly and Freddie entwined, looking blissfully wonderful. I kissed Jake deeply, imagining I was the girl in the pink sequined dress, and Jake was the boy she was kissing.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. My anger didn't subside one bit; in fact, it blazed hotter, thought it didn't feel unpleasant. I was taking out my rage on a partner who enjoyed it.

The waitress coughed embarrassedly; we broke apart, looking up at her. I realized how close I was to this boy who, outside of my own fantasies, was not Freddie. I pulled away, sliding smoothly into the booth.

"Yes?" I asked coolly. The unfortunate waitress blushed.

"W-would you like another smoothie, miss?" she asked timidly. "You've finished yours."

"Yeah, sure," I said airily.

"Me too, please," Jake added. He sounded punch drunk.

I turned to face him again, without a trace of regret. Jake looked nervous at first, but when he saw my eager face, his lips split into a wide grin.

"So what happened tonight?" he asked, taking a sip of his refilled smoothie.

"The people voted, we did what they said," I sighed. "It wasn't exactly fun."

"Are they going out?" Jake questioned. "Carly and Freddie?"

I wrapped my arms around my waist.

"I think so," I muttered. "If they are, then congrats to Freddie. After five years of stalking, he finally got what he wanted."

"Whoa, Freddie stalks Carly?" Jake laughed. A rather cruel idea snuck into my head.

How many times had I watched Freddie lust after Carly, though she openly rejected him? Millions of times. I had kept my silence; Carly had begged me not to embarrass her lovesick friend. But now, I saw no reason to keep Freddie's humiliating secrets to myself.

"Oh, yeah," I said smoothly. "You know how he lives opposite her? Every day, Freddie would be waiting for her to come home, watching through his peephole. I used to bang on the little glass sphere just to hear him yelp."

"Oh, man!" Jake groaned, laughing uncontrollably. "That's sick!"

"You think that's bad?" I snickered. "Whenever Carly needed something, Freddie would volunteer to do it- in exchange for a kiss. And each time, Carly would just laugh in his face. The boy never gave up!"

Jake guffawed, and I felt a sick sort of comfort.

"Y'know, I always hated having him around," I lied. "Every single day I would torment the guy endlessly, but Freddie always put up with it, just to be around Carls! He basically made iCarly work, yet did Carly ever kiss him on the forehead and say, 'Good job'? No. It was a pretty thankless job, but to be around Her Holiness…"

I pulled an imitation of Freddie's hopeful, lovesick face, and Jake doubled over laughing.

"I always thought there was something weird about that kid," Jake sighed, pulling me a bit closer. I felt a voluntary need to defend Freddie, but pushed it aside.

"I don't know what's wrong with him," I said, kissing Jake's blonde hair. "Is there some sort of Carly-related disease going around?"

"Stalker-itis?" Jake suggested. "It's pretty catchy, and it can last for years."

"I better wash my hands," I grinned. "I might've caught it."

"You have been spending a lot of time with him," Jake said, throwing a sideways look at me. Was it that obvious I liked him?

"More than necessary, I think," I assured him, pulling him down to kiss him again.

I heard a small gasp from the doorway, and pulled away from Jake reluctantly. Standing just inside the shop, faces pink from the cold night air, were Carly and Freddie.

Carly looked incredibly hurt; betrayed, even. Good. But I didn't care about her reaction just yet; my eye sought Freddie.

His eyes were pained and saddened, glaring at Jake in hatred. His lips were a thin line. His cheeks, already raw from the wind, flushed with color automatically. I felt a terrible happiness that would sour into guilt later.

"Should I be afraid?" Jake murmured, gesturing nonchalantly towards Freddie's glaring eyes. I laughed lightly.

"What's he going to do?" I responded, just loud enough for Carly and Freddie to hear. "Throw his camera at you?"

The two of them left without a word. I immediately felt awful, but brushed off the guilt for the time being. Jake leaned down again, and I met him willingly, ignoring the groans of embarrassment from the staff.


	7. The fight begins

_Enjoy! This is a very long chapter, and was extremely fun to write. Who doesn't love Sam/Freddie fights? R&R please._

_The next Monday I walked into school with Jake, arm in arm. All eyes were on me, and my choking incident was immediately wiped from everyone's minds. The two biggest pieces of gossip in the halls involved me and Freddie, though separately._

_Everyone congratulated Freddie on finally getting his girl, but girls doted on me, begging to know my secret. Of course all their eyes were alight with emerald flames of jealousy, but they couldn't stay mad; not when their precious Jake looked happier than he had in months._

_As I closed my locker door, the voice I had been dreading called, "Hey."_

_It was Carly, with an odd mixture of emotions in her eyes; I saw resentment, but determination, and something about her suggested she was trying very hard to keep cool._

"_Hey," I said uneasily. She gave a small sigh._

"_We need to talk," she said quietly. "D'you have a minute?"_

_I considered saying that no, I had no time because Jake was waiting for me and we would chat throughout the halls, the spotlight of popularity illuminating our faces. But of course the sight of my dejected friend wiped the thought clean from my mind._

"_Sure," I agreed. She slumped against the lockers. _

"_Okay," she began. "One question at a time. Why did you look so upset when Freddie announced the winning idea?"_

_My expression hardened, and she began to look wary. "I had just eaten rotten chicken," I said stiffly. "I had a terrible stomach ache, okay?" _

"_That's what I figured," she said quickly, looking relieved. "Next question- oh my gosh, when did Jake ask you out?"_

_She looked completely excited for me, all resentment washed from her face. I wished it could be that easy for me. _

"_Just after I left the studio," I explained, trying to look cheerful. "He called my cell and we met at the Groovy Smoothie. Hey, I'm sorry I was so weird last night. At the shop, I mean."_

_Carly frowned. "Don't apologize to me," she said ruefully. "Apologize to Freddie."_

"_Yeah, not gonna happen," I said forcefully. Carly's frown deepened, but she let the matter drop, glad that I wasn't upset. Or so she thought. _

"_So, did you hear about the dance?" she asked, a blush creeping delicately across her cheeks. I glanced up, startled._

"_A dance?" I said weakly. "But… we just had Valentine's Day… what are we celebrating?"_

"_The 75__th__ anniversary of our school," Carly said proudly. I smirked._

"_We're celebrating the fact that after seventy-five years, no kid has been brave enough to knock this building down?"_

"_Sam," Carly chided. I rolled my eyes. "It's this Friday. You have to wear a dress, okay?"_

"_Why, is it formal?"_

"_No, but I'm not having you wearing jeans and a jacket! Not when you're dating…" she trailed off, sighing._

"_Yeah, yeah. Let's go to lunch."_

_Carly grimaced slightly, and my stomach clenched._

"_You're sitting with Freddie, aren't you?" I asked quietly. Carly stared apologetically at me._

"_I promised, Sam!" she begged. "Aw, I know you hate Freddie, but you've sat with him before. We'll lay off the lovey-dovey stuff, I promise."_

_The hot, burning anger returned to my throat; a well-known feeling by now. Was Carly this oblivious to my feelings? Once again I was reminded of Gone With The Wind; Melanie, unaware of Scarlett's deep passion for her husband, is blissfully kind to Scarlett, not knowing their friendship is completely one-sided._

_But I didn't hate Carly, I reassured myself wildly. Of course I didn't. The girl was practically my sister, my only real family! _

"_I can't sit near Freddie," I muttered. She looked questioningly at me. _

"_Why not? Jake can sit with us too. It'll be awesome. Jake's great."_

_A devious plan formed in my mind in the space of half a second; a scene like a movie played in my head, showing Jake and I laughing and sharing food, kissing shamelessly while Freddie fumed in his seat, infuriatingly jealous._

_But, my sensible side argued, it could very well turn on you; another scene formed, one where Carly and Freddie laughed and kissed as much as Jake and I did, not caring in the least about the people sitting across from them. Jake, with a slightly hurt expression on his face, watched me glare at the blissful Freddie with conflicted hatred and desire._

_I shook my head slightly, forcing the daydreams to the back of my mind. "Yeah, I'll ask him," I murmured. Carly smiled contentedly._

"_Hey, there he is!" I said suddenly, spotting my blondie boyfriend across the hall. I raced toward him, noticing Freddie out of the corner of my eye. Hamming up the act best I could, I threw myself into Jake's arms, giggling girlishly and coiling an arm round his waist._

"_D'you want to sit with me at lunch?" I asked sweetly, making sure Freddie heard. His face was expressionless, like it had been after I choked. "Carly was wondering if you'd like to. Both of us, of course."_

"_With that kid- Freddie?" Jake said uneasily, pressing his lips briefly to my head. This was everything I had ever wanted, and yet all I cared about was not the gorgeous model-ish guy kissing my hair, but the smaller, dark haired boy, standing across the way, making quiet small talk to his own girlfriend._

"_Yeah," I groaned, my laughter sounding like a wind chime. I despised myself momentarily, realizing I was as bad as Valerie. Okay, maybe a bit better. "But don't worry, he'll be talking with Carly."_

_I managed to get through the sentence without my voice breaking, but he saw me wince._

"_If you want to," he murmured. "But, I don't know, that Freddie kid's a bit…"_

"_Be nice," I laughed, drinking in Freddie's indignant expression. _

_We stopped by his locker, a mere ten feet from Freddie and Carly. I was surprised, though, to hear Freddie's purposefully loud voice:_

"_So, after school, d'you want to go see 'Knowing'?" he asked. "It looks awesome."_

'_Knowing'? The new Nicolas Cage movie? I had wanted to see that too. In fact, I think I had mentioned it a couple weeks ago, at an iCarly rehearsal._

_Freddie was playing back._

"_Oh, sure!" Carly said, and I could hear the grin in her voice. I refused to turn around._

"_But…" Carly started, then trailed off, embarrassed. _

"_What?" Freddie asked kindly, and I turned slightly so I could catch the action in the corner of my eye, unable to help myself. Freddie's arms were around Carly's waist, and they couldn't have been closer. A cold, sharp knife seemed to slice at my stomach._

"_Don't you want to see something, more, I don't know, romantic?" Carly blushed. I felt like screaming. NOW she chooses to act all cutesy to the kid who had stalked her obsessively since first grade?_

"_What'd you have in mind?" Freddie breathed, and the sultry tone made me shiver. What the heck was he doing?_

"_Who knows?" Carly laughed. "We'll decide later."_

"_We can see more than one," Freddie joined in. "We'll have all day."_

"_The next day, too," Carly said dreamily. _

_This was too much._

_I used my best attack; making out with Jake. I grabbed his face carefully, bringing his lips purposefully to mine. He liked physical stuff, I could tell that. My plan worked; the pair turned quiet in a moment, and an icy, stony silence fell between them._

"_Let's go to lunch," Freddie muttered. We were quicker; before they could move, Jake and I were bounding off towards the lunchroom, laughing at absolutely nothing. _

_Jake escorted me through the lunch line, oblivious to the pairs of female eyes watching his every move. I winked and grinned at the familiar, envious pairs, and scowled at the resentful, hate-filled ones._

_We grabbed a free table, and I quickly scanned the area for Carly and you-know-who. I saw them getting out of the lunch line; Carly spotted Jake and me, tugged on Freddie's jacket, whispered something, and dragged the reluctant nerd over to the seats opposite us._

"_Hey, Sam!" Carly greeted enthusiastically. Then, an overwhelming change occurring in her voice, she said, "Hey, Jake." She was suddenly shy, girly, and embarrassed. _

"_Hi, Carly," Jake and I said simultaneously. Freddie gave no sign he noticed us, and we returned the gesture. _

"_So, I have this killer English test next," I said smoothly, mainly to Jake. He grinned._

"_English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England," he quoted from The Simpsons. I laughed loudly, more than the joke deserved._

_Carly was looking a bit left out, and Freddie looked downright miserable. I caught him glaring at me, but his eyes softened almost immediately and he looked away._

"_Wanna study for the Science test?" Freddie asked Carly quietly. She nodded, looking relieved. _

_The four of us talked and joked, two of us competitive to the end. Jake and Carly were unaware of the real reason behind the overdone kisses, the doting and caring, and the sudden fascination in their social life._

"_And then," Jake finished his fifth skate-boarding anecdote, "This dude completely crashes headfirst into my board, sending me flying ten feet in the air!"_

_Oh my god!" I gasped, seemingly enraptured, while secretly groaning out of boredom and sparing coveted glances at the clock. _

_I turned involuntarily to find Freddie and Carly talking softly, holding hands under the table. I could almost hear the sickening crunch as my heart imploded._

_But then Freddie glanced sneakily at me, and my heart rebuilt itself; he was still competing. Thank god._

_The teachers called for us to leave; it was time for E period. I leapt up gratefully, feeling Jake's warm hand in mine, a ball and chain dragging me back. _

"_I have English," I groaned, and there was an echo of the words across the table; Freddie was saying the same thing to his girlfriend._

_I had forgotten. Freddie and I were in the same English class._

_And worse still; he sat in front of me._

_Jake walked me to my locker, kissing me goodbye before sauntering off to Social Studies. I grabbed my things quickly, racing to the class I dreaded the most. If I got there early, for once, maybe I would blend in with the other kids, and the teacher, Mrs. Wolffe (a fitting name) wouldn't pick on me._

_I entered the classroom, slightly out of breath. Only five other kids sat expectantly at their desks, and yet Mrs. Wolffe glared at me as though I were late. _

_I took my seat, getting out the homework I had actually done; we were doing some boring vocab units in our books, and I had taken care of the annoying few pages before last night's iCarly. _

_Freddie walked in last of all the students, his eyes never leaving my face from the moment he walked in. Mrs. Wolffe gave him an adoring smile and motioned to his seat; if I was the one coming in a minute late, it would be "Detention, Miss Puckett!"_

_Freddie slid into his chair, and I found his head an inch from mine. I shrank back, an odd cologne filling my nose and momentarily stunning me. It smelled like flowers, but sharper and more masculine. I liked it._

_Pushing the slightly disarming aroma from my mind, I tried to concentrate on Mrs. Wolffe's lecture for the morning. _

"…_And now, why don't we go over your vocabulary homework?" Mrs. Wolffe said. Though the sentence obviously ended in a question, we didn't have a choice. Whoever said, "No, thanks, I'll skip vocab for today," would be given a month's detention and a 'well-deserved' screaming session from the Wolffe herself._

_A chorus of groans rose from twenty two throats, the hideous ballot of overworked kids. I stooped over my chair, my hair falling into my face. I grabbed my vocab book from the shelf under my chair, and raised my head in time to see Mrs. Wolffe glaring at me, a foot away from my desk. _

"_Samantha, what are you doing?" she asked stiffly. It took all my willpower not to scream._

"_I'm getting my vocab book," I said uncertainly. "Most kids put their book under their chair. It's easier."_

"_Don't sass me, young lady," she hissed. Sass? Young lady? This woman was seriously old. _

"_I'm not… sassing you," I said angrily. Freddie was frowning at Mrs. Wolffe- that was strange. Usually he took the teacher's side._

_Mrs. Wolffe retreated to her desk without another word, glancing sourly at me. She was always upset when she missed a chance to put me in detention; but she relied on my temper to land me in punishment, and I was trying my best to keep all anger in check today._

"_Turn to pages 13, 14 and 15, last night's homework," she commanded. As one, we all flipped open our bright green books. The rustle of pages filled the air, before eerie silence claimed the room again._

"_Good," Mrs. Wolffe cooed to her favorite students. "Oh, fantastic!"_

_You'd think the kids had won some sort of Outstanding Achievement award. When Mrs. Wolffe bent to check Freddie's homework, I saw the glowing affection burn on her features, and realized that the same expression would be mirrored on my face if I didn't fight to keep the bored look alive and well._

_Mrs. Wolffe moved reluctantly back a desk to check my work. She scrutinized every letter, pursing her lips in disapproval. My handwriting was ten times neater than Ashley Wikelson's, one of Mrs. Wolffe's favorite kids, and yet I was treated like an unstable criminal while Ashley received the royal treatment._

"_Miss Puckett, what is that?" she asked, her mouth curling into a cruel smile. I followed her pointed nail to the place on the page; she was gesturing towards a misspelled and hastily scrawled sentence, the only flaw on my homework. Of course Mrs. Wolffe would find it._

"_It's a sentence," I said through gritted teeth. _

"_It doesn't look like a sentence," Mrs. Wolffe said softly. "Why, I can barely make out a single letter. Would you be so kind as to read that particular sentence to the class, Samantha?"_

_Ah, crap. On this part of the homework, you were supposed to use a vocab word in a sentence; since Mrs. Wolffe didn't usually check our homework that closely, I always poured out little bits of my pain into sentences. In this one, I had used the word 'onslaught'._

"_Curling under the thinned sheets, I press trembling fingers to my ears, trying desperately to block out the onslaught of noise, terrible noise pouring in from the windows, under the door, even inside my own head, it deafens me," I whispered. I had used that in a poem a couple days ago. I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks; sometimes pain can be a great tool when you're writing, and no one's experienced as much pain as me. At least it feels that way._

_Mrs. Wolffe looked shocked; the entire class exchanged glances, some smirking, some gazing admiringly at me. My reputation as a tough gal was over, I knew that much. Tough girls don't write poetry. _

_The teacher recovered quickly, and, unable to accuse me of anything else, waltzed back to her desk. For the rest of class, she was awkward towards me, glancing down at her desk every time I answered I question. I guess after a full year of judging me as a lost cause, the witch felt some regret now that she knew I wasn't a complete idiot._

_The bell clanged mournfully at the end of the period; I leapt to my feet instantly, grabbing my books and papers in a flurry. I always left something behind; I would pick it up the next day. No big deal._

_I stumbled to my locker, opening the small blue door and muttering a swear as every item toppled to the ground._

_I struggled to grab what I needed for my next class while piling unnecessary junk back into the cramped space. My backpack fell on top of my head, and I swore loudly this time, effectively getting the attention of every student in the hall. It wasn't uncommon, a kid swearing, but it was always funny to watch the reactions of strolling teachers. But only if the kid wasn't me._

"_Here," a deep voice said, and the backpack was lifted from my head and shoulders. I glanced up to see none other than Freddie stuffing my backpack neatly into my locker._

"_Thanks," I muttered, throwing books on top of my backpack. He helped me silently; I considered asking him to go bug someone else, but the childish words stuck in my throat._

"_That was good," he said at last, tossing the last item into my locker. "The sentence, I mean. In English."_

"_Carly wrote it," I blurted automatically. It was believable enough, my best friend helping me with my homework. The last thing I wanted was Freddie thinking I was all 'sensitive'._

_Freddie gave me a knowing smirk, and said quietly, "Carly can't write poetry, or anything close. Why d'you try so hard to protect your little image?"_

_Fueled by my somewhat suppressed anger and basically out of habit, I grabbed Freddie's collar and shoved him up against the row of dull blue lockers._

"_Because next time I beat up a tech nerd," I hissed, "people wouldn't care as much."_

_The satisfaction at Freddie's startled face was quelled slightly by the sensation of clutching Freddie's shirt… the realization of this cooled my hot head, and I released him slightly._

"_I gotta go to class," Freddie said, glaring at me. _

"_So do I, but I'm not moving," I said casually. "I'm not letting you go until you promise to never mention my little poem again."_

"_I promise not to mention lots of things," Freddie said, enunciating each syllable as though he wanted me very badly to understand what he was saying. "But I usually mention them in passing, to people I really care about."_

_I froze, and understanding seeped into my bones, melting them. Freddie easily plucked my limp fingers from his shirt, and, a look of slight guilt on his face, muttered, "I won't mention your poem."_

_I walked slowly to Math, anger filling my head now that the shock had worn off. Had Freddie really told Carly about… us? If there ever was an 'us'? Would he really sink that low? I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't. But that look he gave me…_

_It was just a little payback, I assured myself nervously. He was pissed because of Jake and took it out by scaring you. _

_I sat numbly throughout Math class, answering correctly each time the teacher called on me by glancing at a girl's paper beside me. When the teacher finally caught me cheating, I snapped at her viciously and earned a 'warning' (my math teacher is too fond of the kids to give out real detentions). _

_Somehow I finished the rest of the school day, and when the last bell chimed, I raced to Jake's locker, loudly asking him to the dance. Freddie, standing by Carly's locker, obviously heard._

_Of course Jake agreed, and teasingly made me promise to wear a blue sequined dress. I smiled painfully, and told him blue really wasn't my color. We chatted excitedly about the dance, through my enthusiasm was forced. After Freddie was far out of sight, I let my eager expression slide off my features, though I was still polite to Jake._

_Jake could've had an animated conversation with a rock. It didn't matter who he talked to; it was Jake this and Jake that, asking questions yet answering them himself with a laugh. He was a great guy, but too self absorbed._

"_Where do you live?" Jake asked uncertainly, glancing about the different streets. My stomach sank, and I figured lying would help me out here._

"_It's on the corner of Elm St. and Rooid St.," I lied smoothly. "I can get there myself. Listen, just go to your place; it's not far from here, right?"_

"_Yeah," he said uncomfortably. "But I kind of thought I should walk you home. Where's Rooid St.? I've never even heard of it."_

_No one had. Rooid St. might exist somewhere, but not here in Seattle. _

"_You'll just be dead weight, I'll have to show you the way and everything," I said forcefully. "It's a pretty short walk. I'll be fine."_

_He finally consented, kissing me goodbye and strutting down the street to his house. I trudged back to my real home, not surprised to find it empty. I liked it better that way._


	8. Carly takes sides

_Well, here you go! The eighth chapter of 'iKiss'. It's a relatively short chapter; at least compared to the last few. There'll be two, maybe three more chapters to this story, and then, I'm sorry to say, I'll be ending it. I do not want to stretch the plotline, I love this fanfic too much. Enjoy! _

_That whole week was full of tension between Freddie and me. Each day the four of us sat together, two couples competing endlessly though half the participants were completely clueless. I was nervous that Jake would catch on and realize I was using him, but the boy wouldn't have guessed if I'd have shouted it in his face. My boyfriend was sweet, yet obviously loved himself and thought that he owned every girl's heart in the school. Of course he did, but I started to wonder why._

_Every time I would walk by the Dreaded Couple, I would determinedly look anywhere but into the eyes of my best friend's boyfriend. I knew I would melt if we spoke, so I made sure we communicated only through our jealousy competition. _

_Carly called me on Tuesday, asking me lightly if I wanted to come over and see a movie. I told her politely yet icily that I was busy. The politeness in my voice seemed to worry her more than my cold tone, and she called me again on Wednesday, asking me to help Spencer make a sculpture out of ice cream. Once again, I refused._

_On Thursday, I lay in my bedroom, staring at the ceiling. Papers cluttered the cramped floor, and I held a notebook limply in my left hand. It was full of crossed out song lyrics, lazy drawings, and lame story ideas. My iPod, five years old, sat crooked on my small desk, music pouring feebly from its old speakers. _

_My cell phone chimed merrily, my personalized ringtone filling the air. I sat up quickly, grabbed my cell phone from the end of my bed, and flipped it open. Unfortunately, as I reached to pick up my phone, my knee slipped over the side of my bed, and I toppled to the floor, my head cracking painfully against the leg of my nightstand._

"_Sonofa-," I blurted into the open phone, forgetting for a moment that I still didn't know who was calling._

"_I know, I know," came a grudging male voice. "You must not be that happy to see my number pop up."_

_It was Freddie. I groaned._

"_What?" I asked rudely to cover my embarrassment. _

"_Carly wanted me to call," he said. "Her phone's battery died. She wants you to come over."_

"_I'm busy," I sighed. "G'bye, Fredward."_

"_Wait!" Freddie said anxiously. "Sam… Carly really wants you to come over. She's upset. You've been ignoring her, she wants to talk."_

"_She can talk to you," I snapped. The concern in Freddie's voice was infuriating. I heard a rush of static as Freddie sighed into the phone._

"_She's talked to me enough. She needs you, Sam."_

_I don't need Carly, I thought irritably. I need you. And you know that. It's killing me. _

"_I told you, I'm busy, okay?"_

"_Doing what?" he questioned._

"_Avoiding you," I said sarcastically. "Why do you need to know?"_

"_It was just a question," Freddie said calmly. "Sam, if you're actually busy, then fine. But if you're lying in your room with your iPod on, then maybe you could spare an hour or two and hang out with Carly."_

"_I'm really busy, all right?" I said impatiently._

"_Then why do I hear music?" Freddie asked, and I could hear the smirk in his voice._

_I slammed a pillow over my iPod, which was belting out lines from "Chicago" by Sufjan Stevens. My face felt hot and I was sure I was blushing like crazy._

"_You don't hear anything, Freddork," I growled. "You must be inhaling too much 'Midnight Pomegranite.'"_

'_Midnight Pomegranite' was Carly's favorite perfume. She wore it every day, and sometimes I would catch Freddie just standing stupidly in front of Carly, inhaling. _

"_Carly's your best friend," Freddie said. "Don't ignore her just because she's dating me."_

_The smug tone was enough to make me tear out my hair, but the nerd had a point. "Fine. I'll come over. But you better not be there."_

"_Do you think I'd want to?" he asked coldly. My stomach lurched uncomfortably._

_When I didn't respond at first, he sighed again, and muttered, "Carly might make me stay… it won't be that terrible. I'll stay out of your hair. Bye."_

"_Wait," I begged before I could stop myself. "How did you know I was lying in bed with my iPod on?"_

"_It's obvious," Freddie said confusedly. "You looked a bit depressed when you left school today, and any normal teenage girl would stay in her room on a day like that. Obviously you'd be listening to your iPod- it blocks out the world. You were probably listening to 'Chicago', it's your favorite song, right?"_

_I was silent. How did he know so much about me? Did the boy study psychology?_

"_Have you been stalking me or something?" I demanded. He laughed quietly, and a shiver ran up my spine. _

"_I've known you for a while. That's all. Bye, Sam."_

_I heard a click and a monotonous dial tone replaced Freddie's voice. I let out a quiet scream into my pillow._

_I knocked on Carly's door half an hour later, smoothing my hair and trying to look glamorously bored. The door was thrown open at once._

"_Sam!" Carly cried happily She twitched oddly, like she had wanted to hug me but thought better of it. I bit my lip._

"_Hey, Carls," I said casually, waving awkwardly. _

"_C'mon!" she said, dragging me to the couch. I remembered sitting on the very spot just a few days ago, gripping my stomach while Freddie begged me to cancel iCarly…_

"_Okay, start talking," Carly demanded. I blinked._

"_What?"_

"_You've been ignoring me this whole week! You act like a different person- all girly and sweet. You haven't hurt Gibby once! Not even a threat!"_

"_Jake's been going to my head," I murmured. It was believable enough._

"_No, he's not," Carly said wisely. "Whenever Freddie turns his back on you, it's like Jake bores you to death."_

"_That's not true!" I said angrily, perfectly aware that it was completely true._

"_What's up?" she asked anxiously. "Like, really?"_

"_Nothing!" I practically shouted. Carly looked hurt._

"_You can talk to me." _

"_I know I can," I sighed. Of course I couldn't. She wouldn't understand._

_A heavy silence fell, and for the first time since second grade, I felt uncomfortable in the Shay's apartment. _

"_D'you want something to eat?" Carly asked uncertainly. _

"_I'm good," I assured her. Another awkward silence claimed us. _

"_So… can I show you something on SplashFace?" I asked uncertainly. She smiled._

"_Yeah, of course. I'll get my laptop."_

_We spent the next half hour laughing at different videos, searching our friends' profiles, and chatting with different girls from school. It felt unnatural, though; we didn't talk or even look at each other, barely. _

"_Hey, why don't we get started on the next iCarly?" Carly asked excitedly. _

"_Uh…" What was I supposed to say? No, I never want to do iCarly again because I'm in love with the tech producer, your boyfriend?_

_Carly ignored my lack of excitement and dragged me upstairs. The studio had been returned to normal, but the faint smell of flowers still lingered in the air. I felt a lump rise in my throat._

"_Okay, so Freddie and I have been talking, and he thinks we should do the spaghetti fight like we had originally planned," Carly called from across the room, setting up two tables. I played absently with my hair._

"_Yeah, sure. No meatballs, okay?" I said uneasily. Carly looked up at me._

"_Why?"_

"_Never mind," I mumbled, striding over to help Carly with the tables. She pulled away._

"_What is wrong with you?" she asked worriedly. "You've been so different ever since Valentine's Day."_

"_What else did you come up with for the show?" I asked loudly, glaring pointedly to make sure she understood I would not answer her last question._

"_I'll tell you in a minute. What's bugging you?"_

"_Right now, you," I said irritably. Carly quietly folded the tables back up, throwing them to the side._

"_Here's a list of ideas," she said mechanically, handing me a folded piece of paper. When she turned away, I immediately felt terrible._

_I glanced down at the list; the ideas weren't that great. Freddie still wanted to compare vegetables; Asparagus vs. Broccoli. _

"_You're actually letting him do 'Tech Time'?" I asked incredulously. Freddie had been pushing 'Tech Time With Freddie' for months. Carly had just laughed in his face every time he brought it up._

_Carly shrugged, blushing slightly. "Well, I can't really refuse him now…"_

"_Why?" I inquired. "Just because he makes puppy eyes doesn't mean it's okay to allow stupid ideas on the show."_

"_It's not stupid!" she snapped. "Maybe the viewers want to see something other than you and I dancing like monkies! Something that requires, I don't know, brains!"_

_I glared at Carly, and hatred started to boil beneath the surface of my skin. I noticed just how much makeup my friend was wearing, how her hair had been teased to curl at the ends, looking perfect. Her lip was curling into almost a sneer, though it might have been my imagination._

"_Y'know, being funny requires knowledge too," I growled. "Making witty comebacks and conjuring excuses- you have to be pretty smart to be able to ad-lib."_

"_Telling the teacher your mom stole your homework isn't exactly a plausible excuse," Carly said, laughing slightly. My cheeks burned._

_Three weeks ago, my mother, drunk, had taken my Social Studies homework, a wad of index cards, out of my backpack, thinking it was a bundle of cash. I had to think fast, and, when coming up with nothing, I had blurted the truth to the furious teacher. _

"_Call your boyfriend," I said, my voice thick and shaking. "I'm sure you two can come up with plenty of great ideas. Who wouldn't want to watch two kids comparing vegetables?"_

_I stormed out of the studio, running down the stairs. Carly called my name repeatedly. She had taken the elevator, God knows why. It was twice as slow as taking the stairs. Maybe she didn't really want to catch me._

_I threw open the front door to find Freddie standing in the hallway, his fist raised in preparation to knock. His eyes widened in surprise._

"_Move it or lose it!" I shouted, slamming an elbow into his ribs. I felt a vindictive pleasure as he gasped in pain, buckling over. _

"_Sam!" he called, running after me as I sprinted down the hallway. I turned, my fist curling automatically._

_He appeared, breathless, stopping a foot from me. _

"_I think you're lost," I said quietly. "Carly is that way, dork."_

"_What happened?" Freddie begged. "Did you fight?"_

"_You could say that."_

"_About what?"_

"_About everything," I said evasively. "I don't think there'll be an iCarly this week."_

"_I figured," Freddie admitted. "You have to talk to me, Sam. What happened in there?"_

"_We fought," I said pointedly. "That's all you need to know. Now if you'll excuse me…"_

_I turned and walked solidly down the hall, but Freddie caught my arm and held me back._

"_What'd she say?" he sighed. My jaw dropped slightly. Freddie automatically assumed it was Carly's fault?_

"_She brought up my excuse in Social Studies a few weeks ago… I had said my mother had stolen my homework."_

_Freddie kept a straight face. "And did she?"_

"_She wasn't herself," I muttered. "She thought the cards were dollar bills… I don't have to explain this to you. Bye."_

"_Sam?" Freddie called a minute later, just as I was rounding the corner. I looked back briefly; his eyes were full of empathy._

"_I'm sorry," he said. "Sorry that Carly didn't believe you. She should've. I'll talk to her."_

"_T-thanks," I said, shocked. He smiled slightly, my favorite half smile. I watched him walk away, back towards the Shay's apartment._


	9. Shopping for a dress

_Sorry this chapter's a bit late. I experienced my first heartbreak this week, and it's been very hard to write about Sam's problems while my own problems won't shut up inside my head. Only two more chapters to go! *Sniff*_

_The next day, Friday, was the day of the dance. Obviously every girl in the school was obsessing over their dress, and, for once, I was no exception. I wanted- no, needed- to outshine Carly. I just had to. _

_Something deep inside me, a sort of stable understanding that I had carried with me my whole life, had broken. I had always depended on Carly, always trusted her with everything; now, after the small fight that most friends would just laugh about later, I never wanted to see her again._

_The next day I glared at Carly with an unashamed ferocity that had her backtracking in seconds. I think she had expected me to apologize. She gripped Freddie's arm tightly, as though I would attack her and Freddie could protect her. Freddie gave me an apologetic look before turning away._

_The day flew by unexpectedly fast, and soon the final bell rang dolefully throughout the halls. _

"_Want to come over later?" Jake asked, flipping his hair casually. "Before the dance?"_

"_Sorry, I can't," I sighed. "I wish I could, though." A lie, of course. "I have to get my dress. It could take a while."_

"_Sure," Jake grinned. "I'll pick you up at seven. Could you give me your address again?"_

"_No," I said quickly. "I'll meet you there. It would be a lot easier."_

_Jake looked puzzled for a moment, but one of his buddies called him over to his locker and I was spared a lot of awkward questions._

_I slammed my locker shut and suddenly Freddie's face was five inches from mine. _

"_There's this new thing," I said contritely. "It's called 'personal space'."_

"_Why wouldn't you tell Jake your address?" he asked. _

"_I'll see you at the dance, Fredward," I said without missing a beat. "If you can come, I mean; your mom'll probably spend an hour crying over how handsome you'll look."_

"_And where will your mom be?" he asked quietly. I stalked past him, swinging my backpack into his chest. _

_I trudged to 'Renee's Dresses' after school, wanting to beat the crowd. Luckily, the store was practically empty. _

_The saleslady barely glanced up; I nodded briefly in her direction before heading to the Teen's section._

_I ran my hand experimentally along the different dresses, watching the many rippling ribbons react to my fingers. When I was younger, I used to dive into the racks of clothing, giggling madly. The satiny fabric and bright colors had been better than a playground. _

_I searched for my size, and began picking out different dresses I liked. I found an olive green one with sleeves that ended at the elbows; it looked fairly low cut with a simple bow near the right shoulder. Soon five others were piled on top of the green dress, and I stumbled to the changing room. _

_I threw on the first dress quickly, fighting to get my arms through the sleeves. The different layers fell awkwardly on my frame, and I discarded the garment in the "loser" pile._

_Soon, all five dresses were thrown on top of one another; not one had fit right. My fourth choice, a knee-length black dress, had looked fairly pretty; but I needed the perfect outfit, one that would take everyone's breath away._

_I gathered the piles of fabric into my arms, fumbling for the cheap store doorknob. A dress fell to the ground; I bent to pick it up and two others toppled out of my hands. _

"_Ugh," I moaned, balancing the fancy clothing awkwardly. I kicked the door open and stumbled outside._

"_Oh my gosh, Freddie, look at this one!"_

_I froze. Carly's excited voice rang through the empty store; I spotted her admiring herself in a mirror, sporting a fantastic pale violet dress. Freddie sat slumped in a chair nearby, looking bored._

"_It's nice," he commented, crossing and uncrossing his legs uncomfortably. _

_I ducked behind a rack of dresses, hanging up the misfit outfits randomly. I glanced around desperately, hoping the right dress would jump out at me and I could leave before Freddie saw me. _

_And then I saw it; across the store, squashed between two ugly shirts, lay an out-of-this-world, too-good-to-be-true dress. It was a deep chocolate color, strapless, with millions of golden sequins sparkling merrily around the very bottom and very top. It wasn't too long; it looked like it would fall just above my ankles, and it would hug my legs without being too tight._

_I needed that dress. I needed it. And yet I would have to run across the store, in plain sight, to get to it. I didn't want Carly to see me dress-shopping. There were no racks of clothing to hide me; I would just have to walk really fast and hope that Carly was too busy staring at her own reflection to notice me. _

_I took a dress at random from a nearby rack (it turned out to be sunshine yellow… ugh) and held it almost in front of my face. I turned my head in the opposite direction and, after taking a few deep breaths, began walking across the floor._

_It was going perfectly; I could hear Carly chatting excitedly about the violet dress, with Freddie muttering responses as needed. The yellow dress hid my profile completely. I grabbed the brown dress, and the small shawl that went with it. As I turned on my heel to return to the dressing rooms, the ugly yellow dress caught beneath my feet. I lost my balance completely, and crashed headfirst into the rack of satin and silk._

_The sickening sound of my skull cracking against the metal rang through the shop for an eternity. The pain was blinding, and yet I still managed to feel incredibly embarrassed. Though I was positive I might have internal bleeding, my brain still found the energy to process the thought, "Oh my god, Freddie just saw you fall into a clothing rack!"_

"_Sam!"_

_Carly's voice, warped and distant, sounded incredibly loud in my ears. I sat up, touching my head gingerly. When I pulled my fingers back, they were red and sticky; covered in my own blood._

"_I'm fine!" I muttered, getting up. "Is the dress okay?"_

_Freddie handed me the chocolate dress mutely, and I snatched it from him without a word. Carly couldn't hide a small smirk underneath her worry. She was still angry, like me._

_I flung myself into the changing room, slamming the door shut with a foot. I pressed my forehead to the mirror hanging against a cramped wall, stopping for a moment of self pity, and when I pulled back, the mirror's surface was coated with a weak layer of crimson. I squinted at myself in the blood-free portion of the reflective glass; I had one deep cut that ran along my hairline. It didn't look that serious, but a second later the employee knocked on the changing room door._

"_Miss? I have a first aid kit, could you come out please? Before you try on that dress?"_

_She sounded more worried for the dress's cleanliness than for my loss of blood. I rolled my eyes and opened the door._

_After checking the dress thoroughly for stains, the girl cleaned my cut and put a small yet sturdy bandage across my hairline. She threw a package of bandages into my hands; I glanced down at the label._

"_Fit-Right Band-Aids," I read aloud. "Skin Colored, just right for you… hey! This matches my hair!"_

_I held up a blonde, oddly patterned band-aid in awe. The girl gave me a small smile._

"_You have a dance tonight, right?" she said knowingly. "Those'll help."_

_I grinned at her appreciatively, and closed the door. The caramel-chocolate dress lay limply over one arm, and I quickly changed. It wasn't too hard to get into; always a good sign. After smoothing the already perfect fabric for the millionth time, I glanced up into the mirror._

_I wasn't trying to brag, but I looked awesome._

_The dress fit me perfectly; it was something out of one of my daydreams, the kind where everything you do is just right and you never stop laughing and smiling. I wrapped the mini shawl around my shoulders and tucked the edges under my arms. With the right shoes, I'd __own_ the dance that night.

I stepped out of the changing room, twirling delicately in front of the triple mirror. Though I stumbled slightly, the movement still came across how I had wanted it to.

I pretended to be stunned by my reflection, while surreptitiously glancing into Freddie's face. His eyes were soft and blazing with a kind of careful fire; he didn't look away from me for a long time, staring shamelessly. He wasn't gaping, though; he took in the scene before him carefully, his features emotionless- expect for his eyes.

Carly crossed her arms, her lips pursing slightly. I could tell she was dying to say something about my dress, but the fight still lay between us like a wall. Our eyes met briefly, and she begged sadly for me to make amends. But I looked away immediately, feeling anger and shame bite at my throat.

"C'mon," Carly said quietly to Freddie. She paid for her violet dress, and the pair exited the shop without a backward glance.

Once the two were gone I was free to look about the shop at will, without avoiding saddened eyes. I slipped back into my changing room, shedding the brown dress like a snake skin. Once I was back into my jeans, camisole, and jacket, I paid for the dress and left the shop gladly. 

Shoes… where would I go for shoes? There was a Payless just down the street, but for a moment, I feared running into The Dreaded Couple again. Then I remembered the small, independent shoe store Carly always shopped at; it was just across the street, and if I squinted hard through the smudged glass, I could just make out the outlines of the two lovebirds talking (and by the looks of it, arguing) with a salesman.

I hurried down to Payless, holding my beautiful dress at arms' length. The slick plastic bag covering it was incredibly tricky to hold on to; I must've looked like a freak running so awkwardly.

I kicked open the Payless front doors with my dress teetering precariously on my fingertips. I struggled inside, laying the bundle of fabric carefully on a stool. A saleswoman gave me a fleeting smile before returning to her magazine. 

I scoured the store for half an hour before I found any shoes worthy of my dress, but, as usual, Payless provided many beautiful options; all I had to do was find them. Soon, ten boxes were stacked in a wobbly tower on the floor. I tossed the top off the first box, plunging my hands in and wrapping my fingers around the delicate straps of my first find. 

I struggled to fit my foot into the complicated shoe, and eventually managed to flip over the edge of the petite stool I was sitting on. Landing flat on my back for the millionth time that week, I raised my heel-clad foot in triumph; I had finally gotten the damn shoe on.

Unfortunately, the delicate heels were the wrong color. I groaned pathetically and wrestled the layers of straps from my skin. Soon three boxes were discarded across the floor, their contents rearranged messily after failed fashion tests executed by me.

The second to last pair of shoes took my breath away. They were a deep yet creamy chocolate, only a shade darker than my dress. Rhinestones glittered up and down the intertwined straps, reflecting what little light the burned bulbs of the store provided. The heel was long and slender, and I had to run my fingers a few times around it to make sure it wouldn't break. 

I slid the heel onto my foot carefully. My breath caught as I raised my toes in awe; look at me, a living Cinderella!

The shoes fit perfectly, as had the dress. I quickly slipped my scrunched toes into the other gleaming shoe. I stood and marched down the aisle, testing the delicate material for weak spots. I even stood up on the heels, waddling penguin-like. 

"Are you gonna buy that?"

The bored voice of a trainee rang out from behind me. I whirled to face him, forgetting that I was up on the tiny heels of my shoes, and pirouetted awkwardly for a moment. His expression never changed; I had seen that look before. It clearly shouted, "I wish I wasn't here. I wish you weren't here, either."

"Yeah," I mumbled, grabbing in my pocket for my money. Luckily my fingers fished out a wad of crumpled bills, and I paid for my shoes as quick as possible. The kid didn't even check the amount of money I threw at him. 

As I raced from the store, the boy shouted, "Hey, lady! Your dress!"

I spun on the spot. Trying desperately to keep my grip on the surprisingly large shoe box, I took the covered dress from my trainee friend's hands (to my dismay, he had creased my outfit horribly) and sprinted back to my house. 

The ten-year-old clock on the mantle, covered in a shedding layer of dust, told me warningly that the dance started in an hour and a half. 

My room, though small and dingy, was like heaven at first sight. As I stepped through the doorway, I could feel my tensed nerves peel away from my shoulders, landing in a coiling pile at the floor. The air was thick and warm; I couldn't think straight, which blocked all unpleasant thoughts of Freddie, Carly, Jake, or school. 

I was suddenly aware again of the bagged dress in my arms, of the shoes weighing down my elbow. The coiled pile of my problems rose like a snake and attacked once again, settling into my shoulders. 

Sighing, I gave up and flopped onto my bed, removing my dress gingerly from its plastic cover. The shoe box was quickly demolished as I tried desperately to extract the heels from the thousand tissue paper sheets wrapped tight around them. 

I glanced at myself in the cracked mirror hanging lopsided above my bed; I couldn't help frowning. This wasn't the image from my frequent daydreams, the flawless, confident beauty who would laugh in the face of heartache and coolly blow all competition away.

I pulled a brush slowly through the tangle of golden tresses falling about my face while reaching blindly into my nightstand compartment for my makeup bag. It would be a long night.


	10. Freddie's mom gives me a ride

_All right, I lied. I decided to stretch one of the chapters into two chapters, so you guys have two more chapters coming your way. Then the story will officially end (unless I'm struck by inspiration *waits hopefully for God to send me a miracle*)_

_Enjoy!_

_An hour- a full hour!- passed in the blink of an eye. It's not like I wasted that time; I spent the aggravating minutes pulling and tugging at my hair, dabbing sparkling gloss on my lips and blush on my cheeks, and repeatedly poking myself in the eye with the tube of mascara._

_I cursed openly, wishing I had more experience with makeup. Whenever I had used the stuff, Carly had been there helping me, and usually the one forcing me to put the globs of harsh smelling material on my face in the first place._

_Finally, I looked into the mirror and was pleased by what I saw. I looked stunning, there was no getting around it. Unfortunately, sudden paranoia seized my brain; I felt I couldn't even twitch an arm without worrying if I was messing up some part of my handiwork. _

_I clutched the silky material of my dress fervently. I should've put the dress on first, I chided myself. Now I'll mess up all the makeup and have to start over. _

_Shedding my tee-shirt and jeans carefully, I let the smooth dress fall over my head. As soon as my arms were secured through the holes, I whirled to face the mirror and anxiously examined my makeup._

_Nothing had smudged. It was a miracle. I dabbed gently at my lips and twirled a few fingers through my hair, wondering vaguely if Carly was readying herself as obsessively as I was._

"_Sam?"_

_My mom's voice rang through the house- if you could call it a house- making me jump. She wasn't supposed to be home until… well, she just wasn't supposed to be home!_

_I slipped my high heels on, stumbling closer to the mirror to fix my hair and dress. "Yeah?" I called._

"_Where are you?"_

"_My room," I answered reluctantly. "I gotta go soon, okay?"_

"_Why?"_

_Why did she care? I thought angrily. She never cares. "It's a school thing."_

"'_Kay." She had lost interest already. Typical._

_I flipped my phone open, examining the the time. The pulsing white numbers were painfully late; how long had I taken?_

_Fixing a stray strand of hair back into place, I cautiously opened my door, experimentally putting a single foot into the hall. There was no reaction._

_Canned laughter and pompous voices echoed down the hall; she was watching TV. I was safe!_

_I scampered down the hallway, silently cursing my sharp heels as they clicked loudly on the wooden floor. I was at the front door, my hand on the doorknob, opening the door to let the wintry air flood in around my ankles, when--_

"_Where d'you think you're goin', lookin' like that?"_

_I turned slowly. My mother glared at me suspiciously, the remote still clutched in her hand._

"_I'm going to the school dance with Carly," I replied. Well, at least half of it was true, right? I wasn't completely lying._

"_I din' know there was a dance," she muttered. Her speech was slurred slightly; her eyes were unfocused; oh please, not tonight…_

"_Have you been drinking, mom?" I asked quietly._

"_Go t' your room," she demanded. "Get outta those clothes. No daughter o' mine…"_

_She trailed off, murmuring incoherently. I watched as my mother stumbled back to the couch, collapsing almost comically on to the cushions. I almost screamed._

_The door was still ajar, and I stared longingly outside, wishing with all my heart I was just two steps north. I opened the door still farther, yet my mother somehow heard._

"_I don' think so!" she shouted. I shuddered out of annoyance._

"_I'm just…" I began, but my mom shouted again, drowning my voice._

"_You sonna va… she's a good girl, a good girl!" she half sang. My mother was watching some stupid soap opera._

_I crept into the cramped TV room and watched my mother flail weirdly on the couch. She kicked her legs, knocking cheap knickknacks and vases from the coffee table. I watched as my childhood playthings smashed and cracked on the floor. I could feel memories of creating voices for household items, losing myself in a happier world, twist and break. All my blissful ignorance was suddenly tainted by the image of broken souvenirs and oddities. _

_The only good part of my mother's drunken state was the fact that she couldn't care less where I was, as long as she didn't see me. I snuck down to my room and forced the window up._

_I slipped a leg over the windowsill, shivering as the night air enveloped my exposed skin. I glanced over my shoulder worriedly; what if my mom, in a drunken fit, ran into me disobeying her odd order to stay in my room?_

_A deep breath of cold air rattled my chest. Suddenly, all I wanted was to be out in the freezing night, alone, away from my mother and my problems. The long walk to the dance would be comforting, just me and my thoughts._

_I shoved myself through the window, consequently falling into the dying shrubbery. I froze in the dirt, waiting for my mother's bellowing shriek. My thudding heart, out of sync with my ragged breath, surely would give me away. _

_Yet hearty guffaws from the TV room drifted into the night, and I was safe. _

_Dusting off my beautiful dress, I stood and began my long trek to the school dance. Goose bumps arose on my arms and legs. A slight breeze ruffled my hair, yet it wasn't completely unpleasant._

_My heels clicked against the pavement, creating a rhythmic 'clomp, clomp, clomp' that helped me lose myself. I let go of the world, released my mind from the dark chamber surrounding me. All I could feel was the cold, freezing my eyes on the road. I could hear poetry, my own voice echoing words I had only ever written. _

_After about fifteen minutes, the cold wasn't as pleasurable as it had been. I felt the uncomfortable, nagging ice gnawing on my fingers and toes. My heart seemed to convulse and shiver. Why hadn't I brought a coat?_

"_Oh no, I see," I sang shyly, my shaking voice sounding ten times louder in the empty road. "A spider web is tangled up with me. And I lost my head, the thought of all the stupid things I'd said."_

'_Trouble' by Coldplay; it'd been my favorite song for a year. Why it came back to me at that moment, I do not know. It was so fitting. _

_My voice became lower and softer as the cold overcame my system. I shivered uncontrollably, and a shaking entered my voice that had nothing to do with vibrato. I clutched at my arms until biting pink marks appeared in my skin. _

_How long had I been walking, anyway? An hour? It had to be less, though it felt like an hour. I kept glancing at my left wrist, and time and time again I felt my stomach lurch as I realized that I did not, in fact, wear a watch._

_Suddenly, headlights blazed white light into my eyes. Disoriented, I froze like a deer. The car was coming up behind me, and yet the light still blinded me. My eyes had become practically nocturnal. _

_To my horror, I saw the two people in the front seat of the car lean in close, obviously staring at me. I couldn't see their faces; green and purple spots of light burst before my eyes. The headlights were still burning into my skull._

_The car slowed to a halt. A door was opened, and a foot emerged on to the pavement. Fear clutched my stomach; I couldn't think straight, though a few blatant truths flitted across my mind._

_I was on an abandoned road, late at night, wearing a fancy dress and breakable heels. And now, a dark figure, obscured by the stars popping in front of my eyes, was advancing on me, walking purposefully._

_I didn't know what else to do. I ran._

_I broke into a sprint, feeling my feet shuffle uncomfortably in the tight heels. I could hear the person's footsteps right behind me; I couldn't outrun him. Not dressed like this._

_I screamed like a banshee, an unbroken, odd stream of words like, "Help!" "Get away!" and "Police!"_

"_SAM!"_

_I stopped dead in my tracks. Oh, please no. Not him. _

_I turned slowly, and sure enough, now that the spots of light had faded from my line of vision, I could see Freddie Benson's face very clearly. His eyes were full of exasperation and worry; his mother's car's headlights illuminated his features scarily._

"_Are you… walking to the dance?" Freddie asked, and I could tell he was biting back a laugh._

"_No, I'm taking my invisible jet pack!" I said sarcastically. I mentally groaned as the shake in my voice was revealed._

"_Well, if you're tired of traveling by invisible jet pack," he said quietly, "would you like to ride with my mother and me?"_

_I briefly considered saying that no, I was perfectly fine walking to the dance, and that I'd rather die of frostbite than be seen at the dance even for a second with Mrs. Benson. But the word 'frostbite' chilled me to the core, no pun intended, and I caved._

"_Yeah," I muttered. "but… she drops us out behind the school, all right?"_

"_My mother?" Freddie chuckled. "Of course."_

"_And we go into different entrances," I continued. "If Jake sees me ride in with you…"_

_I had meant for the words to be sharp and cruel, and yet it came across incredibly lame. Freddie smiled knowingly._

"_He won't see you ride in with me," he said. "In fact, we won't talk all evening, it it'll make you happy. We won't even make eye contact. Now will you get in the car?"_

"_I'm not supposed to ride with strangers," I teased, hoping he couldn't see my blatant blush. _

"_Freddie? We're going to be late!" Mrs. Benson whined. _

_Freddie grinned at me apologetically and strode back to his car, opening the back door for me. I stepped inside, feeling incredibly guilty. This was the boy I had been working so hard to make jealous all evening. As I had brushed my cheeks with blush, my only thought had been 'I can't wait to see Freddie's face.' Well, I was seeing his face, and it was anything but jealous or regretful. _

_The blanket of warmth emanating from the blasting vents enveloped my frozen body. An unpleasant burn started at the tips of my toes and at my face; the contrast of cold and hot were too much. Soon the blue tint had left my fingertips, and I settled into the too-clean seat, my legs aching from my long walk._

"_So, Sam," Mrs. Benson said stiffly, "have you been to a school dance before?"_

_Her tone made it obvious she did not like me being in her car. "Yeah, I guess," I mumbled, rubbing my hands together._

"_There isn't any alcohol served there, right?" she asked nervously. "Or… drugs?"_

"_Mom!" Freddie said exasperatedly, drawing out the word into two syllables. I was shaking with suppressed mirth._

"_No, Mrs. Benson, they don't serve alcohol or drugs at the dance," I giggled, imagining waiters bringing piles of cocaine to swaying dancers. _

"_Are there hooligans?"_

_This question confused me. "Uh…what?"_

"_Hooligans! Are there hooligans at this dance?" she snapped. I rolled my eyes. Was this lady serious?_

"_Probably," I said fairly, but Freddie turned in his seat, silently pleading with me. _

"_But," I continued, "the principal's made it very clear… no hooligans this year. Um, they'll have signs and stuff… warning the hooligans."_

_My voice broke on the last word, and I lapsed into quiet snorts of laughter. Mrs. Benson drank in my fairytale gladly._

"_Good," she sighed. "I want my Freddie to be safe. It's not right, a boy going to a school event alone."_

_Alone? So Mrs. Benson didn't know about Carly? Freddie twisted in his seat again, but his pleading eyes hardened at my smirk. _

_It would be so easy to ruin the nerd's evening. All I had to do was mention one little detail about Freddie's precious girlfriend, and Mrs. Benson would drop me off and drive her 'little boy' back home to have a serious chat about girls and hormones. _

_But then again, Freddie had been incredibly gentle with me lately; did I really want him to miss the dance? Of course I did, a part of me shouted. I had devoted most of my life to making the guy miserable. Why stop now?_

_Oh, yeah. I was madly in love with him. Besides, if we were going to fight, we might as well fight clean and fair; through jealousy. The car ride would be a truce, just for the moment._

_Sighing, I sank back into the lemon-scented seat, crossing my arms firmly. Freddie's lips broke into a relieved smile, and he grinned for a moment at me before turning away. I returned the smile a second too late grinning absently as he turned to face the windshield again._

_Soon, the school came into view. Mrs. Benson began crying and adjusting Freddie's tie. I shrank into the car seat, kicking Freddie's seat meaningfully._

"_Mom, pull out back," Freddie said, his lips forming a silent 'ow' as he rubbed the place I had kicked through the seat. I grinned._

"_Are you sure? The entrance is right here," Mrs. Benson argued. Freddie finally convinced her._

_The car swung a hard left and finally stopped in back of our school. I stepped out of the car slowly, watching Freddie's face as I did. He was already outside, and his eyes raked up and down my dress a few times._

_Once Mrs. Benson had driven away (after many tearful minutes of sobbing over how handsome Freddie looked) the two of us stood awkwardly in the darkness, the one flickering street lamp illuminating our faces._

"_You go in the front," Freddie said. "I'll take the back way, it shouldn't be too hard to find Carly."_

"_Yeah, okay," I agreed. Why did he have to look so good in a tux? _

_I turned and began marching toward the front of the school, the click of my heels sounding louder than it had on the empty road. _

"_Hey."_

_I turned, and my heart jumped into my throat. Freddie's eyes were ablaze with that same careful fire; he walked a bit closer, smiling the adorable half smile I loved._

"_You look great," he murmured. My hands clasped behind my back, my fingers twisting themselves nervously._

"_T-thanks," I said. "You… you too. For a--,"_

_I broke off, unable to finish. A what? What was he to me, anyway? A nerd? Not anymore. A friend-stalker? Friend's-boyfriend, now. A crush? Well, he wasn't supposed to know that._

_He took a single step closer. "A what?" he said quietly. "What am I?"_

_A defensive wall had blocked off the fire in his eyes; I hadn't wanted to offend him. "A," I stammered. "A Freddie," I finished lamely._

_He laughed, and the sound echoed around the deserted grounds. "A Freddie?" he chuckled. "Is that all you have?"_

_What did he mean? Freddie began to walk away, towards the back entrance he was going to take. _

"_You're really slipping, Puckett," he called. "A year ago, I would've been many things to you, but not 'a Freddie'."_

_He was making fun of me! Freddie Benson making fun of Sam Puckett! Was that even possible? I'd have to check my science textbook later._

_A half-baked retort stuck in my throat, I turned and walked furiously to the front entrance. Never in my life had I talked one-on-one to Freddie Benson and walked away feeling burned. It'd always been him, always been him who had strode away angry and defeated. _

_The doors were propped open, revealing the marvelous school dance before me. Taking a deep breath, I stepped inside, and the night began._

_The worst and best night of my life._


	11. And now he knows

_**Ta da! A new chapter, just in time for Valentine's Day. You're welcome. This chapter is very long and full of angst-y goodness. You have been warned. **_

_When I first stepped into the gym, I have to admit I was overwhelmed. _

_Music blasted from fifty speakers hung all over the gigantic room; people of every grade flailed wildly, their laughter drowned by "I'm Yours"; balloons and streamers galore fluttered happily from the ceiling and walls; the lights were dimmed and the air was thick with some odd perfume. I decided later that the janitor, in a desperate attempt to keep his precious gym from devastation, had sprayed the room with at least ten cans of air freshener. The air was the only thing that couldn't be demolished tonight._

"_Sam!"_

_Jake appeared from nowhere, and I felt a gush of gratitude towards him. I twirled carefully._

"_What d'you think?" I asked. "Be brutal."_

"_Awesome!" he grinned, leaning down somewhat to kiss me. _

"_I said be brutal!" I complained. He laughed and pulled me deeper into the mass of dancing teenagers. Familiar faces popped out from the darkness, some too occupied with their partners to notice me, some squealing enthusiastically at my hair or dress._

_Girls I'd never spoken to came up to me, pulling at my dress sleeves and complimenting my outfit; I felt flattered, until I saw them turn to the girl right next to me and say the exact same things. Too much kindness cancels the purpose, don't you think?_

_An invisible knife slashed at my stomach as I saw Freddie tap Carly on the shoulder; she turned, shrieked his name, and flung herself into his arms. I saw her chat excitedly for a moment before yanking him by the arm to the middle of the dance floor._

"_C'mon," I said nonchalantly, wrapping an arm around Jake's waist. "It's less crowded over there."_

_I pulled him closer to the dreaded couple; once Freddie was in ear shot, I began giggling flirtatiously at all of Jake's lamest jokes, talking loudly about boring subjects, and complimenting Jake endlessly. _

_After about ten minutes and five songs, I had had enough of Jake's nonstop egomaniacal attitude. Leaning in so he could hear over the music, I shouted, "Hey, want something to drink?"_

_He shrugged, his eyes fixed on a place over my head. I turned, following Jake's eyes carefully; he was staring at Freddie and Carly, dancing happily near us._

_At first, I felt an unnatural and completely unnecessary stab of fear; what if Jake had found out about Freddie? About the way I had used him endlessly just to make another guy jealous? I expected him to shove me out of his arms, to start screaming endless obscenities that the Dreaded Couple would laugh about for years._

_But his expression didn't change, and there were no obscenities raining from his lips. In fact, every minute or so he would hold me a bit tighter, dancing a bit fancier. And every time he would twirl me delicately or sway romantically to the music, his eyes would be fixed anywhere but behind us, at Freddie and Carly._

_He was actually acting a bit like me…_

_Was it possible that Jake liked Carly as much as I liked Freddie? Was he using me as well?_

_The thought should've startled and offended me, but for some reason, it didn't. My guilt evaporated, and a heavy burden was lifted off my heart. I grinned genuinely for the first time that evening, and assured him, "I'll get the drink myself. Be right back."_

_Swooping in between the couples and groups of insanely energetic kids, I finally managed to make it to the snack table. It was pathetic, really; a five foot long plastic table piled high with cheap snacks and bottles of soda. The legs groaned in protest as the table sagged under the weight of all the junk food. Two overwhelmed parents stood stiffly behind the table, looking as if they might go into shock as fifty teenagers demanded refreshments., waving dollar bills and moaning about how hungry they were._

_After about a minute, one of the women shouted, "You know what? It's all free."_

_A wise choice._

_The two adults ran for cover as a mass of hungry and thirsty kids descended upon the weak table. I dived under an eighth grader's arm, grabbed a cup, poured a shaky amount of ginger ale inside, and stumbled out of the hollering, swearing group._

_A pack of chips hit the back of my head, and I whipped around angrily to see the thrower. Jonah, wearing a tee-shirt and jeans (ignoring the dress code, typical Jonah), was smirking at me, tossing two more bags of snacks in between his hands._

_My cheeks burned with humiliation; if anyone other than he had thrown a packet of food at my head, I would've tossed it right back, with enough force to knock the kid's teeth out. But instead, all I could do was try to burn him with my eyes before turning and stalking back on to the dance floor. Over all the music, I somehow heard his shrill, cruel laughter, and the light sting of the packaged chips began to irritate me again._

_I found Jake chatting with a few of his friends; I motioned for him, but if he saw me, he didn't respond. I watched them double over in laughter; since I couldn't hear them, it looked quite funny. _

_I stood awkwardly for a moment, glancing around nervously for someone I knew. I felt like I had been left to drown in the ocean while everyone else clung to their life preservers. It's how I always feel, when I'm in a class or in the hallway with no one to walk or talk with. And once a person's friend walks away, they're tossed back into the ocean, left to flail and fight the current until someone else comes along. That's school._

_Someone knocked into my left shoulder, and I stumbled backwards slightly. Already aggravated, I was about to yell, "What's your problem?" into the person's face, but I suddenly caught a whiff of "Midnight Pomegranate," and stopped myself._

"_I'm sor--," Carly began, before she noticed who she had bumped into. We locked eyes for a moment; when her confusion faded, her eyes showed reluctance, sheepishness, and guilt. I was sure my eyes mirrored hers._

_I considered a brief option; here was a life preserver floating right in front of me, the nicest life preserver I was going to get. All I had to do was apologize for my 'rude behavior' in her apartment, and it would be all over. Lying was my specialty, wasn't it? Though lying to this particular girl might be harder than usual, it was loud and dark; if my voice broke or my expression betrayed me, no one was the wiser._

_I was ready to do it; I had even opened my mouth, the words forming confidently in my brain. But somehow on the way to my mouth, the words lost their confidence; an invisible barrier blocked my tongue from allowing the sentence through. I just couldn't say it. I wasn't sorry at all, and was still incredibly pissed at her for being so tactless. If I lied now, I would always resent Carly, and that wasn't fair to either of us. _

_Carly waited expectantly; she obviously had no intention of apologizing. This angered me further._

"_Excuse me," I said quietly. She couldn't have heard me, not over the music, but my point got through; I wasn't going to apologize, and never would. She looked incredibly saddened by this news, and stepped aside to let me by._

_Jake had finally finished with his friends, and caught my arm out of the darkness. I grinned halfheartedly at him, and let him tell me all about the hilarious joke his friend had just told him._

_I giggled shamelessly as Jake excitedly revealed the punch line, though it could've been the stupidest joke I had ever heard. Faking laughter was just another form of lying, though even the most honest kid uses this tactic every day._

_The wail of a microphone pierced through all over noises in the gym; in a seemingly choreographed movement, every kid in the gym bent over in pain, gripping their hands to their ears. _

_Principal Franklin tapped at the microphone nervously, and the wail soon died off. "Is everybody having a good time?" he asked, looking genuinely curious about the answer. Though the man hated my guts, I had grown affectionate towards the principal. He was such a nice guy._

_The approving hoots of the boys and shrill screams of the girls gave Principal Franklin his answer. Though I couldn't see him over all the student's heads, I assumed he would be smiling by now._

"_I'm glad to hear it," he sighed. "Now, we're going to have a little dancing contest; a sign-up sheet is by the snack table in the back of the gym. Sign your name, and, if you have a partner, their name. The winners will receive a twenty dollar gift certificate to the Groovy Smoothie. Write down the song you'll be dancing to, and--"_

_Excited conversations drowned the rest of Principal Franklin's speech; he gave up, it seemed, because the mic was turned off and the music blazed once again. Everyone resumed dancing, though a pack of kids were starting to make their way to the sign-up list._

_Including Freddie and Carly._

_Out of pure, raw instinct, I grabbed at Jake's arm and began tugging him towards the sign up sheet. But unlike Carly, I didn't have to drag my boyfriend; Jake came willingly, wanting to dance as much as I did. Freddie looked like he had swallowed a "Sour Head" candy that had been soaking in lemon juice._

"_What d'you want to dance to?" Jake asked excitedly. I mulled it over._

"_You were in my gym class last year, right?" I confirmed. He nodded._

"_We learned the tango," I grinned. "Did we not?"_

_He laughed appreciatively, and scribbled down both our names along with our dance on the sign-up sheet. Part of the clipboard was already demolished by the eager students, covered in streaks of pens and scratches. _

_The crowd thinned eventually, and the different groups and couples went back to their dancing. "Gives You Hell" was blaring out of the speakers, and I grinned genuinely for perhaps the first time that evening. This was such a perfect song._

"_And truth be told, I miss you," I sang; I couldn't even hear myself, but the vibrations shaking my throat told me the sound was coming out. "And truth be told, I'm lying."_

_I accidentally caught Freddie's eyes across the dance floor, and I was surprised and a bit pleased to see that he too was mouthing along to the song, staring directly at me._

"_When you see my face, hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell," I shouted, not breaking eye contact with Freddie. He grimaced slightly, closed his mouth, and turned back to Carly. Smiling absently, I allowed Jake to twirl me around with his arm._

"_Ten minutes till the contest," the principal shouted into the malfunctioning mic. This was greeted by a sea of cheers, and every kid in the room would have a sore throat tomorrow. My own throat, which had been through enough in the past few weeks, felt torn apart as I screamed my appreciation._

_Jake was looking a bit bored; I suggested he danced with his friends for a while and I'd meet up with him before the contest. Grinning gratefully, he sprinted off into the darkness. _

_I made my way awkwardly to the gym doors; stepping into the hall, I shivered at the cool air. The absence of other teenagers was welcome, and I stretched briefly, enjoying the fact that I could lift my arm without knocking a person's elbow._

_The school was gloomy and dark, yet it fit my mood, so I prowled the deserted hallways, stopping only for a drink at the drinking fountain and at Gibby's locker to swipe a pen. Depositing the instrument into my own locker, I sadly turned back in the direction of the gym, trying fruitlessly to calm myself. _

_Entering the gym again was like being dropped into a two-year-old's nightmare; it was dark, with a single light flashing brightly over screaming faces, the noise unbearable and so high pitched I thought I heard glass crack._

_The contest had already begun; everyone had cleared a circle in the middle of the gym, which meant I was jammed tight in the back, unable to see or even hear. "Solja Boy" blasted through the speakers, and I guess the kid was a good dancer, because the lucky half of the room that got a good view was yelling like crazy, some shouting along with the lyrics, some chanting "Go, go, go" without rhythm. _

_Song after song after song played; I hoped that Carly and Freddie hadn't gone yet. For some reason, that was a sight I wanted to see._

_I pushed and shoved my way closer to the 'dance floor', causing many tempers to flare in my wake. Jake's arm caught mine, and I was dragged throughout the crowd, the students parting for us unwillingly. _

"_Where have you been?" he hissed, smoothing his blonde hair. His jumpy and nervous composure was contagious, and I immediately began fixing my dress and tugging at my own blonde locks._

"_I just- a drink," I muttered. The excuse sounded lame even to me. Jake couldn't have heard, not over the din, but he didn't seem to care._

"_We haven't even practiced," he moaned. "I haven't done that dance in a year… Sam, I can't, I just can't!"_

_Jake was freaking out, no doubt about it. His eyes were bulging, his hands pulling at his tux. We were starting to attract some very funny looks._

"_Okay, okay, listen," I said, pulling him close so he could hear. That, and to let the desperate crowd a bit farther to their destination. "We don't have to tango exactly like we did last year; maybe… maybe we could wing it a bit."_

_I had said the wrong thing. I swear Jake started hyperventilating, and a sob may or may not have slipped out from between his teeth. It was very loud, I couldn't tell._

"_Okay, no improv!" I said quickly. "What if we changed the song? D'you know 'Dance With Me'?"_

"_Drew Seeley, right?" Jake confirmed. I nodded, relieved that his hands were now resting by his side, his eyes no longer as large as saucers._

"_Can you do it?"_

_Jake shrugged, sliding comfortably into his old "cool but bored" persona. "Yeah, sure. And Sam…"_

_His eyes were suddenly pleading, and his unspoken request was obvious. I mimed zipping my lips._

"_No one has to know you freaked over a dance competition," I grinned. "Remember, I'm your girlfriend; it would wreck my reputation too."_

_Jake's grateful smile was strangely vague, as though other thoughts were already clouding his mind. I frowned; if I had saved a certain other boy from humiliation, surely he would appreciate it._

_Of course, on tonight of all nights, I would not pass up the chance to humiliate that certain boy._

_The music- whatever song was playing, I couldn't tell you, it was just drums and bass to me- stopped, and raucous cheers, less enthusiastic than before yet still quite overwhelming, split the air and probably my head as well._

"_Next," Principal Franklin's voice boomed almost ominously, "We have Freddie Benson and Carly Shay."_

_My heart skipped in anticipation, and I elbowed roughly through the crowd, Jake following eagerly. The song had already started when we shuffled our way to the front of the crowd; a slow, almost classical tune, which made me chuckle in pity until I saw Carly and Freddie on the dance floor._

_Though a few boys had snickered at the beginning of the piece, their jaws had all dropped as they watched Carly and Freddie twirl and dip gracefully around the tiny dance floor. Carly looked completely at ease, though a feminine blush was spreading quickly over her cheeks, making her look cute instead of awkward. _

_Freddie's expression was stony and set; as he brought Carly up from a dive, I saw her mouth 'lighten up' in his ear. He smiled, though reluctant, and she kicked his foot with hers teasingly._

_Watching them dance so incredibly while still sneaking in these adorable flirtations made me sick. When had Carly learned to dance like that? Freddie's talents didn't surprise me at all- his mom had probably made him take a mother-son class or something. But Carly had never mentioned her hidden skills before. Though I knew we were feuding, I couldn't help but feel hurt. _

_The song took forever to end, and when it did, many of the boys groaned and the girls stared glassy-eyed at the Perfect Couple, clapping until their palms glowed red. Freddie and Carly kissed for the crowd's benefit; barely a peck, but enough to make my stomach twist._

_I clapped once, maybe twice, though Jake was practically wolf-whistling. Carly and Freddie melted back into the crowd, and Principal Franklin began shouting into the mic again._

"_Next, we have Samantha Puckett and Jake Crandall," he called over the eruption of noise. As we fought our way to the middle of the floor, to the middle of everyone, I felt a blush burn on my cheeks, and for some reason I felt it didn't make me look cute like it did to Carly. Running quickly to Principal Franklin, I alerted him of our song change and raced back to Jake._

"_Listen," I murmured. "Those guys were good, so we gotta blow 'em out of the water. I know you're nervous, I am too, but we've both danced before. They'll love us."_

_God, was I comforting my boyfriend or encouraging an athletic runner? Jake grinned all the same._

_The music started, and the wall that had separated my useful memories from the unimportant ones broke; I could remember every move, every step we had learned the year previously, and then some. Jake grabbed my hand, and we stepped simultaneously, our moves coordinated perfectly with Drew Seeley's cooing voice._

_I'll admit, we did add our own moves a bit. Jake must've twirled me for about five minutes straight, because by the time he stopped me, bringing me into a low dip, the room was spinning and my stomach was fighting its way up my throat._

_I was almost sad when the song ended; Jake pulled me into an incredibly intimate hug, so I wrapped my leg halfway around his waist, just to hear the girls scream that much louder. The roars of the animal-like crowd was deafening, since now all the noise was directed at us. Jake seemed to enjoy the attention, and when the crowd settled a bit, he kissed my hand gently, rekindling the fires of fan girls everywhere._

_We sashayed into the crowd, with hands like hailstones raining down on our backs, a muttered "Congrats" or "Sweet moves" falling on practically deaf ears._

_The next dancer must've been pretty awful, because barely anyone cheered and quite a few booed. These jeers were silenced quickly by shushing teachers; I witnessed a few boys receiving light slaps to the back of the head as Mrs. Briggs, her eyes aflame with fury, made her way through the crowd. _

_Soon, all the contestants had exhausted their dancing skills. The spotlight was dimmed and the crowd swallowed the cleared dancing floor space in a millisecond. Kids must have been pressed out into the hallway, it was so packed in the gym. _

"_Do they give out a prize to the best dancers?" Jake asked, his voice tinged with excitement and anxiety. The crowd's bellowing applause had melted his shyness to reveal Jake's inner superstar, it seemed._

"_I hope so," I replied. Girls everywhere were giving me envious looks, yet this time the piercing eyes didn't encourage me to flaunt my boyfriend like they normally did. _

_We stood in silence for minutes, swaying absently to whatever song shook the school walls at the time. It wasn't awkward like it should have been; we were both lost in thought, barely aware of the hectic world around us._

_I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I whipped around, startled at the sudden return from my daydream. Freddie was standing in front of me, and it took my addled brain a minute to realize that the hand on my shoulder belonged to him. _

_His eyes were set, and I had the feeling he wanted to get the conversation over with. "We need to talk."_

_I had not been expecting this. "What about?" I inquired, wishing vaguely that Jake would disappear. _

"_C'mere," Freddie said, motioning for me to follow him deeper into the crowd. Jake coughed loudly, and Freddie turned to him, smirking. "Can I borrow her for a minute?"_

_Jake shrugged. "Be back before they announce the winners," he grumbled. _

_I followed Freddie through the crowd, my heartbeats jumping practically into my throat. Finally we reached the doors leading out into the deserted hallway; a struggle ensued between us and a few sugar-high teenagers who seemed to be looking for a fight. I socked the taller of the two in the jaw, gave his friend a warning glance, and stepped out into the hall._

_Freddie was stifling a laugh as he joined me in the hallway. _

"_What?" I demanded. He shook his head, swallowing a giggle before turning to face me._

"_It's just… you could've just asked the guys to move," he chuckled. "It was funny. Sorry."_

"_Okay, so you've dragged me away from the dance," I said, sparing a few coveted looks at the packed gym, as though I really wanted to return. _

"_That I did," he agreed. "I need to talk to you."_

"_Yeah, you mentioned that. What about, Benson? Spit it out."_

_Freddie's smirk vanished, his shoulders tensing. "I want you to talk to Carly."_

_That was it? That was the reason Freddie had wanted to talk to me in private? "I'm never going to apologize, she was the one to--"_

"_I don't want you to apologize," Freddie interrupted. "I want you two to talk. She's really upset, Sam."_

"_Yeah, well," I stammered, not exactly sure what to say. "I'm not doing so well either. My best friend--"_

"_Yeah, I know," Freddie cut me off again. What was with him tonight?_

"_So is that it?" I asked. "Is that the big reason you wanted to talk to me?" Please say no, please say no, please say no…_

"_Well…" Freddie shifted uncomfortably from one foot the other. "Not exactly. I kind of wanted to talk to you about…"_

_Hope and expectation immediately filled my stomach. "About…?"_

"_I hate that things have gotten so weird," he sighed. Confusion marred the happy bubble of hope trying to rise up into my heart. _

"_I mean, we were never really friends--"_

"_--you could say that--"_

"_--but now you act like I've betrayed you or something," he finished. Cold, numbing shock trickled into my bloodstream. Was he really that oblivious? Was I the only one playing this jealousy game? _

"_We've gotten into this weird fight," Freddie said, not meeting my eyes. "And I want it to stop. I want you to make up with Carly, and just go back to… to how it used to be."_

_It felt like someone was destroying my insides with an ax. My heart ripped- again-, my stomach twisted, my lungs seemed to implode so I couldn't breathe. I was an idiot. An idiot for thinking Freddie cared for me at all. Of course he didn't- he had always loved Carly, and always would. And over the past few weeks, whenever he had given me a compliment or even saved my life, it was because he was Freddie, sweet, caring Freddie. How could I be so stupid?_

_Freddie finally looked at me, and seemed disturbed by what he saw. "Sam, are you okay?"_

"_Fine!" I spat, ashamed to hear the waver in my voice. "I'll talk to Carly."_

"_Hey! Are we cool?" Freddie asked, catching my arm as I turned to run back into the gym. I hated myself for the electric shock that ran up my arm when he touched me. _

"_N-no!" I growled. "No, Fredward, we are most certainly not cool."_

"_Is this about… the… the fire escape?" Freddie panted as he tried to keep his grip on my arm as I strained to get away. I twisted his hand until he yelped, my pain and humiliation melting into boiling anger._

"_Yes, Freddie, it's about the fire escape!" I shouted, not realizing just how loud I was. I felt like screaming obscenities at him, yet the words just wouldn't come._

_Freddie seemed to crumble, releasing my elbow. His eyes were full of shame, yet he just didn't seem to get it. "Well… I'm sorry," he said softly._

"_Sorry for what?" I demanded._

"_Tell me why you're angry first."_

"_I'm angry because you're the most confusing boy in the history of the world!" I yelled. "I'm angry because you seemed like the only person I could talk to! I'm angry because we kissed and all of a sudden you're not just some annoying little nerd anymore. I'm angry because you're going out with Carly, yet keep saying all these sweet and caring things to me that no one's ever said, not even my own mother! I'm angry because I feel like an idiot, I'm hurt and embarrassed and ashamed because it's really all my fault. But you want to know why I'm really angry?"_

_I didn't even look at him, I couldn't, I was out of control, my fury spiraling off the walls. _

"_I'm angry because- because I love you!"_

_There. I had said it. And he could mock me for it all he wanted, tell Carly and Jake and whoever the hell he wanted to, because it was out and I felt free. I stood there for the longest time, my fists clenched and my breath punctured with small sobs. _

_Finally, when the reality of my mistake sank in, I looked up slowly to find Freddie staring in shock; not at me, but at the gym behind us._

_Was he even paying attention? Did I have to repeat myself, to scream at him all over again? I wish he'd say something, to break the eerie silence that penetrated my ears._

_Speaking of which, why was it so quiet? There was a dance behind us, after all. Where was the music?_

_And that's when I turned to find two hundred teenagers staring at me, open mouthed. The music had been shut off, and my heartfelt confessions still echoed across the gym. _

_**Review, and the last chapter will be up that much faster. ;)**_


	12. My life comes together

**The last chapter! *sniff* If enough people comment, I'll add an epilogue. **

**This chapter is full of satisfyingly sappy Seddieness. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. **

My classmates' eyes were like saucers; some were sympathetic, some were shocked, but most were amused. I saw Jonah guffawing silently with a few of his buddies.

My shouted "I love you" should have been etched over my forehead, the way everyone stared, transfixed, at my face. To my eternal humiliation, I felt a tear slide down my cheek, soon accompanied by many others.

I turned slowly to face Freddie, dreading his expression most of all. A sob I had been biting back finally ripped past my teeth; I sounded pathetic.

Freddie's lips were parted in surprise; his eyes looked horrified, and maybe even a bit repulsed. Oh, that was the icing on the cake.

"I'm s-sorry," I whispered brokenly, hoping this time that only Freddie heard me.

"Sam--"

But I couldn't listen. I bolted down the hall, my delicate shoes snapping but I didn't care. I stumbled to remove them, tossing the useless yet very expensive heels behind me. I ran faster than I had ever run before, darting through the intricate hallways as though trying to escape the labyrinth.

I finally reached the school entrance, fumbling with the door handle. I entered the cold night air gladly, and began running again, though the gravel sank into my bare feet and scratched.

I didn't bother to stifle my sobs now, letting them overcome me, feeling them shake my body. The pain, humiliation, and anger consumed my head.

I didn't know where I was going; it didn't matter now. I tore down the long street, yelping each time the gravel made contact with my feet. Soon, it became too much; I sank to the ground, burying my face in my hands.

The cold air pierced my lungs as I gasped for breath; my feet stung from the treacherous jog; my head swirled with my own incompetence, shoving all reasonable thought away.

I lay back onto the leaves, thanking God that I had collapsed to the side of the road, because if I had stopped in the middle of the street, I probably wouldn't have been able to move, and if a car came along…

"Sam!"

A voice echoed down the street; I thought at first that I really had collapsed in the middle of the road, been hit by a car, and died. But the voice didn't belong to an angel; a figure soon appeared in the distance. I observed it through blurry eyes.

The figure was running at top speed. My first instinct should have been to get away; it was either a mugger or some student coming to drag me back to the dance. But I was exhausted, humiliated, and beyond caring.

I closed my eyes, waiting for the person to speak again.

"Sam, get up, it's dangerous out here."

I knew that voice. Freddie?

I forced my eyes open to find Freddie kneeling by my side, shrugging off his jacket. A new round of sobs rose in my throat, and I scrambled away from him.

"No!"

Freddie tackled me. Honest-to-God tackled me. We rolled to the ground; I pressed my face to my hands again, trying to shake off the jacket Freddie wrapped around me.

"Go away!" I moaned. "Please…"

A new chorus of sobs joined with mine; I looked up in surprise to find Freddie in tears.

Why was Freddie crying? I could see why he would feel sorry for me, but this was ridiculous. It's not like he was the one that had ruined his life.

"Sam, let me explain," Freddie whispered. This confused me enough to stop the flow of tears momentarily.

"There's n-nothing to explain," I whimpered. "I understand, F-Freddie. Please leave me alone, I can't…"

I hiccupped before dissolving into tears again. Freddie wrapped his arms around me, pressing me to his chest. It took me a minute to realize he was hugging me.

"Stop!" I shouted. "Just stop! Haven't you d-done enough?"

It wasn't like he was tormenting me; I'd rather he was. But this kindness was too degrading, I couldn't take it.

"No," he said firmly. "I won't leave you alone out in the cold, crying your eyes out."

I hit at him weakly, refusing to meet his eyes. Freddie grabbed my shoulders.

"Listen to me! You've been through so much already, you don't deserve this, let me explain…"

"Explain WHAT?" I yelled. "What's there to explain? If you want to help me, Freddie, just l-listen to me for a minute. I n-need to get some things off my chest."

I took a few deep breaths before continuing. "When we kissed on the fire escape, I made you promise to just forget about it. Well, you did; I didn't. You were just so damn understanding and kind, I sort of…"

I grimaced. "Okay, I fell in love with you. And I thought… maybe…"

"I had fallen in love with you too," Freddie said softly. A bitter cry cut through the night, and I pressed my palm to my lips to stifle the sound.

"For the next few days I thought you kept dropping hints and… well… I looked at that Valentine website before our show, and it said that you and I would kiss. I got… excited…"

It sounded so lame when spoken out loud, but it was the truth. "And when you and Carly kissed, looking so happy and so _perfect_, I felt so useless! Jake called me that night, asking me out, I never really liked him, I j-just…"

"Just dated him to make me jealous," Freddie sighed. I hated being in his arms, knowing he pitied me for making such stupid mistakes.

"I thought you were using Carly," I whispered. "I thought you liked me back, I don't know why, I'm such an idiot. I'm so messed up, and you're this pretty boy with perfect grades, family, friends…"

I wrenched myself out of his arms. "Thanks for listening. I needed that. Now I'm going to go home, and you go back to the dance. I'll… see ya round."

"You're not going home," Freddie said bluntly. "You're running away."

I froze. How the hell did he know that?

"I--"

"I know you, Sam. I've proved it before, haven't I? You don't want to go home, you want to run until you forget all about tonight and Carly and me."

"Fine!" I whispered. "Maybe I do want to run."

"Then I'll run after you," he said. "Because I can't let you go."

"There you go again," I groaned. "You always say these incredibly sweet things to me, it's almost like--"

"Like I love you too?"

Freddie brushed my tangled hair behind an ear. "I didn't forget about the fire escape either."

"But--"

"But nothing. You're funny and smart- yes, smart, don't look so surprised- and incredibly deep. You're an incredible poet, you get through the day even though your mom isn't always there for you and your life is harder than it should be, and you're the most amazing person I've ever met."

"Freddie, stop, this isn't funny," I said weakly.

"No, it isn't. Believe me, it's been hard for me too, because I thought you really did want to forget the fire escape kiss."

"You--"

"I thought you'd never like someone like me. So I tried to forget, mainly for your benefit; when the Valentine website spit out the idea for us to kiss, I thought you'd be angry. Then the votes changed, and the fans wanted me to kiss Carly…"

My head was spinning, and the fear of rejection still clawed at my heart. This had to be a dream. I passed out while running; that must be it.

"When you ran from the studio, I tried to run after you, but Carly wouldn't let me. She wanted to finish the show. I was disgusted; I told her on air that she should care more for her friend than for webshow ratings. Finally, I convinced her to help me find you. We looked everywhere; when I saw you at the Groovy Smoothie, kissing Jake and making fun of me…"

Yes, this had to be a dream.

"You don't believe me."

"Damn right I don't," I muttered, though I had stopped crying and my breath had evened. "It makes no sense! You're--"

"A nerdy kid with an overbearing mother and an unrequited crush on your best friend," he said smoothly. "Well, not so unrequited anymore. Don't you get it? I thought you deserved better- I mean, you do- but I thought you'd never, ever like me back."

"But tonight!" I whispered, grasping at straws. "You told me you didn't know why I was so angry with you."

"Because I thought that was the only way to end whatever we had started," he explained. "I thought I was the only one who felt something, and pretending to not care at all would solve everything."

"But-- Carly--"

"What about her?" he said impatiently. "Carly is my girlfriend, yes, but I only asked her out officially after I saw you and Jake making out at the Groovy Smoothie. You weren't the only one playing the jealousy game, Sam."

I shook my head, surprised to feel fresh tears on my cheeks. "Makes no sense," I mumbled.

Freddie laughed in exasperation. "You're impossible!"

"Yes, I am."

"What'll it take to convince you?"

"Convince me what?" I demanded.

"To convince you that-- that--" He broke off, grimacing.

"Ha! Not as easy as you thought, is it?" I teased, the numbness receding from my fingertips.

"No, it's not," he sighed. "But I'll say it anyway. I love you."

When I stayed quiet, overcome with happiness and relief, he said tentatively, "Want to know why?"

I giggled. "Sure."

"Because you've tortured me every day of my life since we were little kids," he began. Huh. Not a very good start. "You teased me whenever you could, lashed out at me when you were upset, and laughed at me when I was down."

"I can see why you love me."

"I'm not finished! Whenever you finished berating me, you seemed happier. I was your outlet; you took out all your frustration on me, and I was kind of glad I could help. I almost felt like… like we had a connection."

He blushed.

"I never felt that," I admitted, "but I guess making you miserable was kind of fun." I grinned at him. "It still is."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"No," I admitted, "It sucks."

A devilish idea popped into my head. "Y'know, I'm still not really convinced…"

"Convinced of what?" His jaw dropped. "Convinced I love you? Sam, I--"

"I know a perfect way you could prove it," I cut him off. The concern lifted from his eyes, and he grinned.

Before I knew it, Freddie had knocked me to the ground again, smothering my face with kisses. "Fred--mmph!--Freddie, quit it!" I laughed, slapping at his shoulders. He pulled away, eyes strained.

"You're crying again," he whispered. "What's up?"

I smiled slightly. "Believe it or not, Fredward, those are happy tears. I think you just saved my life."

"R-really? Wait, how?"

I shrugged. "You just make everything a bit more bearable. My crappy home, my issues with Carly, my grades, the fact that I blurted out my deepest secret to the entire grade…" I bit my lip, cringing. "Okay, so the last one is still a bit terrifying."

"It shouldn't be," he frowned. "Why don't we go back to the dance?"

"You're kidding."

"No, I'm not. If everyone sees us together, then they won't make fun of us, and if they do, then we can just laugh it off."

"What's this 'we', Benson? I'm the one who admitted that I love you to the whole school. They won't make fun of you."

Freddie smiled. "I know, I know."

"Why're you smiling?" I demanded.

"I like hearing you say it."

"Say what?"

"Y'know… 'I love you'."

That might have been the sweetest thing I had ever heard in my life. So obviously I couldn't let it go. "You're such a dork," I laughed.

He pulled out the puppy eyes. "A dork who loves you."

I blushed. "Okay, we're not going to be one of those sappy couples, okay?"

He smirked. "Like you and Jake?"

"Or like you and Carly?"

"Touché, miss Puckett. Wanna go back?"

"How do I look?"

He surveyed me carefully. "Well, let's review; you're not wearing shoes, your feet are scratched, your makeup is running down your face, your hair looks like it was attacked by birds, your dress is twisted and muddy, and you're still crying."

Ouch. That hurt.

Freddie grinned at my pouty expression, pulling me to my feet. "I think you look beautiful."

I had nothing to say to that. We walked back to the dance in silence; I couldn't stop smiling.

When we reached the door, it felt like an invisible barrier was pushing me back. "I can't go in. I-- Freddie, I just can't."

"You can do this," Freddie argued. "Don't you want to make Jonah pay for being such a jerk to you?"

I mulled over this. "But I look like--"

He leaned forward, kissing me for the first time since the fire escape. My body flooded with warmth.

"Now do you care what you look like?"

I rolled my eyes. "You know you can get me to do anything when you do that. That's cheating."

"No," he said, wrapping an arm around my waist and kissing me again, "_this_ is cheating. Now come on."

Scowling, I allowed myself to be dragged through the front doors. The walk to the gym seemed to take hours; anticipation turned to anxiety, which quickly turned to hysteria.

"Freddie--" I squeaked.

"No," he said firmly. "You can do this."

I groaned. The gym finally came into view; the few kids nearest the door saw us coming, and immediately broke into chuckles. My face burned, but Freddie smiled pleasantly at them.

"Ignore the jerks," he murmured into my ear. "They'll be jealous in no time."

"Jealous of what?" I growled. "I look like a walking mud puddle."

"A very cute mud puddle."

"Shut up."

We entered the crowd, which had thinned considerably. I spotted Carly and Jake talking nervously in a corner, and muttered, "Target acquired."

"You want to talk to them right now?"

I nodded. He sighed, unwillingly walking towards the two.

When Jake saw us coming, he practically yelped and shook Carly's shoulder. She turned, and her expression was so joyous I immediately felt guilty.

I hurried over to them, hiding my face with my mane of dirty blonde hair (literally dirty now- stupid mud).

"You okay?" Jake whispered. I nodded.

"And you get that--"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry." And I was. Even though Jake seemed to like Carly more, he did have a thing for me.

"It's okay," Jake sighed. "I'll get over it." That's when I noticed his hand was currently intertwined with Carly's. Freddie noticed as well.

"So we're cool too?" he asked her. I could see the slight pain in his eyes; letting go a crush is always hard, even if he didn't like her anymore. Freddie had pined after Carly for years.

Carly bit her lip. "We'll still hang out, right?" she asked, looking genuinely worried.

"Try and keep me away," Freddie grinned. Carly's returning smile was weak, and it quickly faded as she turned to me.

"Can we talk?"

I shrugged. She grabbed my hand and tugged me back out into the hallway.

"I'm sorry!" she cried as soon as we were free of the crowd, flinging her arms around me.

"Whoa, girl!" I stuttered. "Not so close to the gym. Someone could hear you, and how embarrassing would that be?"

She sniffled, and we walked down the hall a bit. "I was such a jerk," she whimpered. "I should've believed you about your social studies homework, but we were fighting and I--"

She collapsed against me again. I stiffened.

"Listen," I said, feeling a bit uneasy. "I know you're sorry, but that really hurt, and you seemed to expect me to apologize. That tells me a lot, Carls."

"I know," she sighed. "It's just… I was hurt, too. You were being incredibly distant, glaring at me and making fun of my show ideas. It's not all my fault!" She had obviously been wanting to say this for a while. And every time I had seen her, I had waited for her apology, without considering that maybe I had been a jerk, too.

Guilt swirled in my stomach. "I know. You're right," I sighed. "I'm sorry too."

Carly tried to squeal with happiness while simultaneously lunging at me. The result was a sort of high pitched squeak as she rammed into me again, sending both of us toppling into a row of lockers.

"Carly!" I shouted. "Geez, if you keep doing that, I'm taking back my apology!"

She didn't let go. I hadn't expected her to.

We entered the gym once again; this time I turned more heads, attracting snickers and murmured insults. I shrank back against Carly, who forcefully propelled me through the crowd until we had once again reached Jake and Freddie, who were standing next to each other, looking infinitely awkward.

"Hey," Freddie said at once, the unspoken 'thank you' radiating from both boys. "So you guys…?"

"Yeah, we're good," I assured him. "Can we go home now?"

All three laughed at this, though I had been deadly serious.

"They're about to announce the winners from the dance contest," Jake said excitedly, the childish gleam growing bright in his eyes.

"Great," I said. "Let's go home."

"Not before I get a dance," Freddie warned. I gaped at him.

"Are you serious?"

"It's either that or I get to introduce you to the AV club."

"…Let's dance."

Laughing, Freddie pulled me back through the crowd, giving Jake and Carly some much needed alone time. Every time a kid would turn to me, a condescending smirk on his lips and an insult on his tongue, Freddie would grab my hand, give the jerk a warning glance, and pull me aimlessly into the jungle of teenagers.

Principal Franklin stumbled through the crowd, fighting his way to the middle of the gym. He clutched his microphone tightly in his fist, beaming at us all with the happiness provided by knowing a secret.

"Attention," he called. This time, everyone in the gym turned to look at him, excited as he was. I grabbed Freddie's arm.

"It'll be okay," Freddie said, fighting off my death grip currently breaking off the circulation in his arm.

I wasn't worried about losing. In fact, I wanted to. Dancing with Jake in front of everyone- again- would be torture, especially looking like this. What I was afraid of was Freddie winning, and dancing with Carly again. If he was up there, waltzing his brains out, then I'd be all alone, and I knew that somehow Jonah would find me.

"Sam!" Freddie hissed. I looked up wildly to find Freddie's eyes tearing slightly, his jaw set. Had he won? Had I won? Why did he look so uncomfortable?

Then I realized he was pulling fruitlessly at my hand, trying desperately to pry my fingers from his arm. I relinquished my grip.

"Sorry," I muttered. He smiled slightly.

"It's fine. Just be a little gentler," he said, placing my hand on his other arm. I was about to refuse, to say I didn't need comforting, but then Principal Franklin uttered the words "and the winners are" and I clutched Freddie's arm so tightly that my fingers felt like they would break.

"Now, you all voted for a winner," Principal Franklin said as an afterthought, refraining from revealing his secret. "And we have very unusual results tonight."

The entire gym groaned as one, a few shouting, "Spit it out already!" The principal held up his hands in defeat.

"The winners are Freddie Benson--"

My heart sank. I released Freddie's arm a second time, staring dejectedly at the floor.

"--and Samantha Puckett."

Whoa. What? There had to be a mistake. Had he called _my_ name? I glanced at Freddie, who was, surprisingly enough, laughing.

"What the heck is going on?" I hissed at him. Freddie shrugged, practically doubled over with laughter.

"What the hell is so funny, Benson?" I growled.

"They voted for us!" Freddie snickered. "The entire school voted for us to dance together!"

"What, as a joke?"

"Yeah," Freddie sighed, pulling me to the middle of the dance floor. This terrified me; the whole school wanted to make my night even more miserable, so they had ganged up and voted for the two of us to dance together, hoping to embarrass me further.

"Doesn't that, I don't know, make you a bit ticked off?" I questioned, allowing myself to be dragged towards the spotlight. Literally dragged; my feet were firmly planted.

"A bit," Freddie admitted. "But let's show these idiots up! Besides, it means I get my dance with you." I groaned.

The kids pushed back eagerly, forming the cleared dancing space again. I spotted Jonah and his buddies clawing their way to the front of the crowd; Jonah waved at me, leering. Though my face flushed and I felt like kicking something, I waved back, grinning as prettily as I could. His leer froze; I snickered silently.

"Freddie," I breathed in his ear, my voice rising three octaves as my terror got the best of me. "I can't do this."

"One dance," he whispered. "One song. That's it. Then it's over and done with."

I concentrated on this. One song. That was it. It didn't matter which. Three minutes, maybe less. All I had to do was avoid eye contact with… well, everyone. Then I'd be done.

The music crackled through the speakers, and I recognized it as the same slow tune Freddie had played on the fire escape. I gaped at him.

"You planned this," I growled. He hid his face in my shoulder, wrapping his arms around my waist. I could almost feel him grinning.

I clamped my hands around his neck, trying to look angry at him, but Freddie whispered, "Lighten up. Don't pretend this isn't awesome," and I broke. I couldn't help splitting into a wide grin.

"You're as evil as I am," I said as we spun slowly around the cleared floor space. "How'd you rig the contest?"

"I didn't," he admitted, and I briefly wondered how we were dancing and having a conversation at the same time. But it felt natural, like breathing and walking, so I didn't question it. "When you were in the hall with Carly, I asked the principal that if I won, he'd play this song."

"Clever," I groaned. "You know I'm gonna get you for this."

Freddie spared me a withering look before twirling me.

"What?" I demanded. "I will."

"No, you won't," Freddie promised. "Because I can always do this, and you'll forget all about it."

I realized what he was doing a split second too late. Leaning down, Freddie kissed me in front of the whole school, barely able to keep from smiling at the gasps that broke out everywhere in the crowd, the sharp intake of breath sounding almost choreographed.

He pulled away, silent laughter shaking both of us. "Now you're really gonna get it," I warned. "I can't believe you just--"

That's when Freddie kissed me again, a quick peck that nonetheless silenced my threats. "Who are you, and what have you done with Freddie?" I demanded. He snickered.

The song ended all too soon. The crowd erupted into raucous cheers, screaming their approval. Freddie and I slipped back into the crowd, to find Jonah directly in our path. He tried desperately to sneer, his mouth hanging open as he searched his little brain for an insult.

Because I could think of nothing else to do, I reached out and closed Jonah's jaw for him, slamming his chin with my fist.

"You look like a gargoyle when you do that," I said gleefully. "And you're ugly enough already."

Freddie wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me farther into the crowd. "That was uncalled for," he chuckled. "Real mature, Sam."

I stuck my tongue out at him, to prove just how mature I was.

Freddie and I stumbled back to Carly and Jake, who apparently hadn't been paying attention to our dance at all. They were chatting animatedly about nothing at all, smiling and laughing.

We decided not to ruin their fun. "Can we go home _now_?" I whined, tugging childishly at his sleeve.

"Yeah, I think so," Freddie said. "I got my dance."

"And I got to tell Jonah he looks like a gargoyle!" I quipped. "My life's complete."

"Mine isn't," Freddie said.

"What'll make your life complete?" I asked as we left the gym, looking forward to a long walk home together.

"I'll show you," he promised, grabbing my hand and running down the hall. My bare feet ached.

"Whoa there, hall monitor!" I exclaimed. "Slow down!"

He raced to the front doors, flinging them open and dragging me outside. Freddie squinted at the sky; his eyes brightened as he took in the full moon, its light bathing everything in a strangely soothing glow.

Freddie slowed considerably, walking me to a grassy spot near the school, completely void of trees. He flopped down on the ground, motioning for me to mimic him.

I lay beside him, staring up at the gigantic moon. "This will make your life complete?" I asked incredulously. "Talk about cheesy, Fredward."

When Freddie didn't respond, I poked his shoulder. "Fredward?"

"Shh," Freddie groaned. "You're ruining my moment."

"Okay," I teased, "maybe I'll just go home. Enjoy the moon."

I stood slowly; as I had predicted, his arms closed around my stomach, forcing me back onto the grass.

"You really like tackling me, don't you?" I said huffily. He grinned.

"Will you do something for me?" he asked. I shrugged.

"Sure."

"Write me a poem."

I stared at him. "You're kidding!"

"Nope."

"Just a haiku!"

"You are the corniest kid I've ever met in my life."

"You must be getting hungry," Freddie said, raising an eyebrow. "First I'm cheesy, now I'm corny. What's next, hammy?"

"Yes," I replied, twisting in the grass to get comfortable. "You are most definitely hammy."

"Poem?" His eyes became wide, his lower lip sticking out. I sighed.

"Fine, fine. Put away the puppy face, ham-cheese-corn-boy."

"Is that my new nickname?"

"Yes."

I thought for a moment, surveying the sight of Freddie relaxing in the grass, the moonlight illuminating everything around him. It was a beautiful sight, though I'd never admit it.

"The moon's sliver glow," I began, improvising, "casting my angel in light. Saving me from hell."

Freddie propped himself up on his elbows, giving me the adoring look that made me blush and look away. "Sam…"

That was terrible!" I laughed. "Don't tell me you actually liked it."

He launched at me, hugging me so tight I could barely breathe. "You think I saved you from hell?" his voice was muffled by my hair.

"I'm as corny as you are," I muttered.

"Sam," he whispered again, overcome by my poem. I rolled my eyes.

"Don't get all sappy. It was just a little haiku. I thought of it on the spot. It's not a masterpiece."

He was silent for a minute before muttering, "_You're_ the angel."

"Shut up!" I laughed. "Let's go home. I'm in the mood for corn, ham, and cheese."

Freddie made a face. "Ugh. You actually eat that kind of thing? I can't believe I kissed you!"

I ignored this. "Hey, won't your mom be upset if you walk home?"

Freddie pondered for a moment. "Could you call her? I don't have my phone," he asked. "And… d'you want to stay at my house for a little while? To have a snack or something?"

I knew he didn't want me to go home just yet; I didn't either. Mom was probably still drunk, and to be honest, it wouldn't be safe. "Yeah. Sure. I'll call your mom."

Freddie hugged me tighter. "A year ago, you would've hit me for that!"

"I've made such progress," I muttered, pulling out my cell phone and dialing Freddie's home number, which for some reason I knew. Freddie held out his hand for the phone, but I wiggled away from him. If I was going to be hanging out with Freddie all the time, I might as well get in his mom's good books.

Freddie's eyes widened. "No, Sam, wait--"

"Hi, Mrs. Benson?" I said loudly, cutting him off. "Yes, this is Sam Puckett. Freddie and I were just leaving the dance. No, the dance isn't over yet, but we wanted to leave a bit early. Freddie was wondering if I could come over his house for a little while, just to have something to eat." My voice was ten times higher than usual, and fifty times more polite. "Freddie's just getting something to drink. No, not soda. Don't worry Mrs. Benson, I've walked home plenty of times, the roads are completely safe. Trust me. Thank you. Bye."

Freddie was gaping by the time I hung up. "How the heck did you get her to go along with that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, really. Adults always fall for the 'good girl voice'. Even I wasn't expecting her to let us walk home; she barely lets you walk to Carly's apartment without an escort."

Freddie rolled his eyes. "Let's go. I'm getting pretty hungry."

"I have that effect on people."

We walked down the deserted road, talking about heartfelt topics I had never even touched upon before. Freddie vented about his mother and I vented about mine. We shared frustrations at our lives and the world. I confessed my fear of death and what happens afterward, which sprung into a pretty deep conversation that lasted fifteen minutes. It felt so natural, I could feel my anxiety recede slightly as my fears were voiced out loud.

We finally reached Freddie's apartment complex; I shuddered, terrified of his mother's reaction when Freddie revealed our secret. He had told me firmly that it was for the best if she knew, though I happened to disagree.

"She'll be thrilled," Freddie promised. "Her little boy's 'growing up' and all that."

"But I'm…"

"Hey," Freddie said kindly. "You're Sam. That's all that matters, okay?"

"Being Sam isn't such a great thing," I argued. "I think your mom would be much happier if you were--"

"She might be," Freddie interrupted, "but I wouldn't. I love you."

The three words filling me with giddy confidence, I strolled into the apartment's lobby, Freddie's hand in mine. And for the first time in months, I felt completely at home.


	13. Announcement from the Author

Hey guys- PowerOfThePen12 here. I've made a decision.

What is that decision? *Chuckles nervously* Well, I know I promised an epilogue to "iKiss, iMiss," which was stunningly popular, but… sorry. No epilogue.

DON'T HURT ME!!! *ducks as angry fans throw random objects, such as lamps* I have something that might improve your moods.

I'm planning a sequel! Yayyy. A full fledged sequel that picks up right where "iKiss, iMiss" left off. If you all stick with me, and promise to comment (a lot), I think I can make this work.

The sequel will be named "Meet The Bensons". I will reveal nothing more. ;)

The first chapter will be posted as soon as I get around to writing it (a few days… maybe a week? Tomorrow, if I stop being so lazy). Love you all!


	14. Sequel's finished and posted!

Okay, so I really should stop putting announcement on this story. But I can't help myself.

THE SEQUEL'S FINISHED!!! Finished and posted. It's called "Meet the Bensons". Read it. Comment on it. Favorite it. WORSHIP IT.

Kidding.

Seriously, though, it would mean the world to me if you left a comment. My emotions take a beating each day at school, and if you want new chapters up fast (or if you just value my self confidence) help me out and tell me what you think. Help the confuzzled adolescent.

3


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